57

fahad:

i packed my bags and was on my way to the airport. a7med picked me up. he was solemn, but then so was i. we spoke in low voices. 

the thing is, i was travelling alone.

i told faisal the flight was ten pm. when in truth it was at 6 am the day before.

why did i do it?          because i lied.

its never easy lying to your best friend, but sometimes you need to. sometimes you leave the people you love behind so that they can be happy.

like layan.

 i mean her . 

a7med:" fahad, you can't do this."

he said at last 

i sighed 

me:" i have to"

he quietly parked and helped me to the terminal silently

we just trudged along in the parking lot. 

i was never coming back. i was never going to talk to either of them again

not to faisal. not to her. 

but i am selfish enough to talk to reem.

i looked toward the sun. i needed to be optimistic about this right?

i can't believe i have siblings i never know about.

was he that embarrassed to be my dad?

am i that much of a failure to him?

how can i look at layan again without feeling like I'm living a lie?!!!

i smiled to myself. though it was a mirthless smile

this will all be over when i get on that plane. i got excepted to UCLA 

I'm on my way to freedom.

is it really freedom or am i trying to find myself?

can i at least have the decency to admit that to myself?

i smiled to myself.

what did he say?  "SHE MUST NEVER KNOW"

but she's already a part of my life. she means a lot to me already. 

no... she's better off without a loser, good for nothing, brother like me in her life.

if she knew about my mom. if she knew. she would hate me. she would never forgive me or love me.

and so i got on my plane and turned around one last time. 

i gave a7med a hug.  a strong gripped bear hug

we stood there hugging like a couple of gay guys for five minutes.

 but we didn't care. 

who knew when i would see him again. 

so we said our goodbyes

and i said good bye to the country i love.

i said goodbye to home.

goodbye kuwait, please take care of them.