65

layan:


i was catching up on my reading since i wandered off this morning and found barnes and nobles.

my favourite book was on the front shelf so i took it as a good sign, maybe we would end up all going back home.  i flipped the page and wondered where faisal was when i heard the door open.


he smiled at me

" jane eyre? i didn't peg you for a charlotte  bronte reader. bas you are just like jane." he joked.

but i didn't smile back.
i just stared.

his eyes looked dead

i slowly got up from the bed and untangled myself from the sheets.

faisal didn't move a muscle.

i slowly padded to him in my blue oversized donald duck shirt and sweats.

when i reached him i saw that his eyes wouldn't meet mine.

he was holding it in, everything.
he always did.

he never thought fahad or i could handle his pain or sorrow or fears. he was too busy protecting us.

too busy being the strong one.

so i put my hands on his face and cupped his cheeks.

me: " you didn't find him" i said guessing that this would be what caused his crestfallen face to be so ashen.

he shook his head ever so slowly and pulled out an envelope he was holding.

faisal: " i found him." he said slowly.

but i didn't smile. i didn't laugh. and i did not ask him why he wasn't happy.

so i stayed quiet.

faisal: " im soso sorry" he mumbled.

and a tear escaped his lang lashes.

i panicked. on the inside of course.

faisal wouldn't cry... he would cry over anything that wasn't important to him.

faisal: " he didn't want to come back" he said quietly.

his hands envelope and all twined through mine and tangled with my fingers on his face.

he slowly detached me from him and inserted the envelope in my hands.

faisal: " he wanted me to have my happy ending" he said quietly.

and so he waited for me to open the envelope.

southampton estate. what i found inside was a picture and will.

the picture was of a huge sprawling white mansion in one of the most beautiful and wuite places in the world.

i looked up at him.

me: " is this where you wanted to go?' i asked quietly.

he smiled though it was a pained and heartbroken smile that only succeeded in pushing a small needle into my heart.

faisal: " its home to me" he said quietly. " that house and you.  your everything i ever wanted" he said quietly " your everything to me" he said.

but i heard what he didn't say. i heard the guilt in not including fahad inn is happy ending, i could hear the pain at having lost someone so important to him.

i could hear it all.

fahad abandoned faisal.

and faisal blamed himself.

i spread my arms and hugged him tightly.

me: " then well go to southampton. well go and maybe hell find us there" i said quietly.

i could fix this.... somehow.

he held me so tight that i couldn't breathe. it was as if i were his lifeline and he was a drowning man.

that night i woke up. i was sprawled onto the bed as usual and  i looked at faisal as he slept neatly at the edge of the bed, as far away from me as he could get.

i inched closer and secured an arm around him.

i knew he must be feeling confused, and afraid.

fahad where are you? i thought to myself

i kissed his tshirt clad back before going to sleep.

then i felt his hand find mine. he held it tight in his throughout the night. and i knew everything would be ok.

to by beloved and loyal readers

hey guys! this is in reply to all of you. thank you so much for always being true to the blog. i am writing it alone hahaha.  i do have support from everyone around me and I'm happy with where the story is going alhamdulillah. i do have to tell you though, that even if the story ends this year or the next that i love this story just as much as you guys do. i just hope you guys know how much i appreciate you, thank you for being with me throughout this journey.

p.s. a small question: if i published a book would you guys get it?

64

faisal:


i stood there staring at the envelope. what would i tell layan?



 what could i tell layan?




that her brother didn't want to see her?



 that he just gave me something that he knew i loved? that he knew meant the world to me?



 something i kept secret, so far fetched i didn't dare dream id ever get it.

so i stood there infornt of our hotel room and i thought about that day .....when we were thirteen.







fahad walked into my room at boarding school and told me to pack up since we were road tripping with my mom to southampton. ya. that stupid hell hole that didn't even have wifi. 

i rolled my eyes and sighed.

i ran my little hands through my hair.

fahad laughed.

fahad: " oh come on it can't be that bad. we have a pool there at least! and my mom's meeting us there remember? no dads. no ones going to mess up this vacation." he said.

i smiled encouragingly and nodded.

when we got there the next day fahad and i stood in front of the southampton lodge both of our fathers owned. they used to come here during there college days but as usual they grew out of it. they got bored. just like they did with everything else.

fahad and i got into our mirroring rooms. so we were basically 5 feet apart. our moms announced that wed be ordering take out so i was happy that wed at least be fed.

i pulled out my swimming trunks and thought: you might as well get on with it and at least try to enjoy it.

when we got down and swam our mothers joined us poolside and chatted about god knows what.

i hated to admit it, but it was fun. i felt free. i felt happy for once. 

7asayt nafsy 5afeef o mirtaaaaaa7. 

i smiled.

our moms called us to the table we ate and we had cake afterwards. 
nothing special.

that night fahad and i went out into the backyard because he wanted to show me something.

fahad: " close your eyes!!!" he hissed. and i sighed but did as i was told and he held my shirt while he led me to the trees out back.

fahad: " happy birthday faisal" he said and i opened my eyes. 

i was surrounded by fireflies. fireflies everywhere. i looked around me in awe. this was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. 


 i was so happy that i could fly along with those buzzing fireflies. we ran around catching them and we let them go. but i took one with me.

i took one with me back home as i took fahad to his room.

and then i snuck back out there with my hand still in my pocket.

i remember taking out the firefly and whispering something to it.

i didn't think anyone would hear me.

no one was there

" i wish i could build my own family hear. have my wife and children here. away from baba. away from the world" i said quietly and released it.

" ya rab inshallah taktib ma feeh il5air. o ta36eeny 3ala gad niyity"  i said and left.



shlon sima3ny? ana wa9alta ghorfita ib nafsy.

i took out my phone and sent him a text

faisal: you were part of that dream fahad. you and layan and your future wife.

i closed my eyes and braced myself for what i was about to find behind my door. i would have to tell her. that her brother didn't want to be found.

63

FAHAD


me: " how did you find me?" i asked bracing myself for the fight.


faisal looked fired up and ready to swing.


faisal: " who else would have set this up?" he asked, voice barely audible.



and the realisation hit me.


me: " a7med" i said and shook my head slowly. " I'm going to kill him" .

faisal barked out a laugh that startled me.

faisal:" not before i kill you"  he walked towards me slowly.


faisal:" you know he's my first cousin. you know he's smart. and you know where his loyalties lay."

he said " so then why'd you do it?" he asked mystified.

i smiled slowly and pulled out an envelope I've been holding onto since the trip began.


i held it out to faisal.


faisals eyes bulged " what the hell is this?" he asked not moving his hands to take it.


me: " the will to the southampton lodge, i did some work on it and changed it to your name" i say.

faisal looks at me warily.

faisal: " if i take this will you come back with me?"

i reach my envelope closer to him.

me: " take it" i say with a small smile.

faisal: " don't turn anti fahad on me. cut the crap . " he says.

but takes the envelope.

faisal: " yallah layan is waiting back in the hotel"

but i shake my head

me: " salimly 3alaiha" i say.

faisal turns to me abruptly but i turn and run to the bartender and ask him if i could use the backdoor


 i could hear his shouts.


" FAHAD! FAHAD!!"


i close my eyes and shut them tight.


i know that this time he wont find me.


so i run. i run far far away.


and then, only when I'm miles, away do i  start walking again.

62

FAHAD


i knew from the moment i walked into this stupid club that i wanted to turn right back around and head home.

the only reason i stayed, was because i didn't trust a7med to take care of himself. at all.


the guy saw every single celebrity crush he had. he had them all in one room and he was fan girling on me.

a7med: " AAAAAAAAAA MEGAN FOOOOX. I FRIGGIN LOVE YOU" he said while holding my arm to support himself from not falling.

i didn't move a muscle.

me:" a7med i don't think this is healthy for you. o fashaltna. int a5as min ilbint illy 6a7at ghashana minaak" i said and pointed at three girls surrounding a passed out girl.

a7med:" ee la2ana ohma shafow johnny depp. int shfeek ma 3indik 3yoon?!" he asked looking pissed.

i just wanted to get this over with this so i could go home and wait out my throbbing headache. ya, sunburns were a bitch.

i walked to the barstool at the edge of the bar and the bartender walked over to me.

bartender: " what can i get you?"

me:" water. with ice" i say putting my head on the cold bar table.

bartender: " rough night?"

me: " chya" i say my voice muffled and laugh into the table.

bartender: " someone sent this fir you" he said and i looked up alert and watched as he slipped a white envelope on the desk.


i took it hesitantly and opened it.

look behind you


it said and i slowly turned...

to see a cross armed gigantic red eyed faisal standing right there.