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layan:

today was the big day.

two weeks after we'd settled into our beautiful vast house faisal and i - with the help of my mom, bro, and his grandmother- turned the empty old summer house of his childhood into our own personal paradise on earth. there were bits of faisal and i everywhere.

of course we both argued on where to keep his helmet. 

i just couldn't let him hang it on the coatrack next to the door.

 and he wouldn't let me throw around my disney slippers. he especially hated the shrek ones, but he never once told me to throw it out. 

he helped me make lunch everyday since i thought that it was the least we could do for our visiting relatives.

 since on the days we brought in the new furniture faisal and i had been away arranging and planning our wedding.

we decided on having it here, in our twelve or so acre backyard. 

it was a garden reception and since we were already married we planned on doing it the english way for kicks.

only a bit of the invites went out to my friends from school and to reem and fai. his invites - which were alot-  went out to all his buddies and family members.

 of course we chose our maids of honours and best men in advance. i would have reem and fai. 

and he would have ahmed and fahad.

that is, if fahad ever called. but he never did.

and today... today as i stand upstairs getting ready with my mom and reem i realised that he might not come at all. 

not that faisal would ever show me how it affected him.

oh no, he would always shut it away... his misery. he would shut it away in the depths of his being. where not even i could reach.

and i accepted that about faisal, because in the end that was how he worked. and i promised to love him for him always.

and i would always give him the space he needed when he needed it.

but that never stopped me from worrying about him. 

because at night when our bodies were intertwined in bed he would always make sure i was asleep before detaching himself from me and going off into the night. 

i never knew where he went.

and i never asked.