56

(this post is my gift to you and to myself ;)    )
listen to latch by sam smith and disclosure. ( lana del rey  -video games ( liam wales dubstep) and say something, and i see fire- by ed sheeran)



Layan:


and so i called reem, talked to her, told her everything.

she already heard and knew.

but reem said something that i couldn't get out of my head

" don't forget, he did this for you. and though he may seem like the devil, he's going through a lot of shit. his mom is dead layan, she's dead, the only reason he's still here is for you. its all for you"

so i sat there.


i sat there and watched tv. and waited for him to come home. 

i felt guilty, and miserable, and homesick.

and then i realised that faisal was home to me. and as long as he and i were fighting, this homesickness would always occupy that space in my heart. 

so i waited.

10 pm. 11. 12. 1. 2


and when it hit 2:30 am

the door opened.

he walked in. i couldn't process what was going on.


 his scar.
 my heart
 my mind, 
his eyes.

he was in the doorway. black shirt wide shocked eyes, mouth slitely open, a cut in his lip. a bit of blood on his collarbone, some on his nose. and a scar. could he look any hotter? yet I'm horrified by these mysterious injuries. he got his shoe string tied and they hung on his neck, a shoe on either side of his collarbone.


and i can see comparing how i looked to him. loose sweatshirt, shorts, and my purple poka dot cow socks. wow.

faisal was first to break the silence. his hair grew a bit longer in the past 3 weeks. and i notice this with a day of living with him. a lock of hair slides onto his face.

faisal:" laish mo nayma?" his voice was gruff, as usual, deep and gruff, like honey and ice.

me:" i was waiting for you."

faisal changed his stance, his posture was a bit more stiff.

he stood a bit straighter.

faisal:" fee shay tabeena?" he wouldn't look at me. he looked to the side.

it took guts to say what i was about to say next

me:" i want to talk"

he sharply inhaled

faisal:" then talk, you have 2 minutes" and just like that he crossed is arms on his chest and tilted his head to the left, he looked at me expectantly.

me:" I'm sorry"

he smiled a cruel ,bitter smile:" well your gonna have to be a bit clearer than that layan"

me:"im not being truthful with you, I'm not being there for you-"

he glared at me:" were are you going with this?"

me:" i just want to leave it all out in the open, i need you to know i love you"

his jaw locked and he started walking to the door. i got up and blocked it

me:" you can only  runaway for so long faisal"

he bent down, that set him off
faisal exasperatedly said :" ME?! I'm the one running away?!"

me:" BOTH OF US ARE but at least I'm admitting it!"

he abruptly turned around walked two steps and threw his sneakers on the ground.

the majestic staircase as his background.

faisal turned around.

faisal:" im not the one who ran away layan, or did you forget?! on my birthday? when you left me there. what was it that you said? I'm not not running away faisal I'm walking away. YOU RAN AWAY MO ANA, i was right there watching you the whole DAMN TIME!! you walked out ON ME! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!"

i couldn't hold back the tears. so i just looked at him

me:" I'm sorry faisal"

he just looked at me, 
faisal:" sorry for what layan? its not like i care anymore"

my head snapped up and i walked over to him

me:" THATS A LIE, i love you and you love me thats how it is, thats how its always going to be"

and then i took his scarred outraged face in my hands and kissed him

he stood there shocked. eyes wide open. 
then he did something neither of us thought he would do

faisal kissed me back.

he swept me off my feet.

and i felt wetness on my cheek and realised that faisal was crying.

 he crushed me to him. 

his eyes shut tight, he breathed raggedly during the few times he came up for air.

and when he let me go he hugged me.  he bent his head onto the top of mine, my face was on his collarbone and neck.

 he didn't need words to tell me how sad and lonely he felt these past few months.


and we stayed like that till our legs couldn't hold us up anymore.

and when we lay there on the ground .........

he mumbled something:" there are a few things i can't tell you, please understand"
i turned my head to him:" i trust you faisal, no matter what"
 he smiled and kissed the top of my head
faisal:" your an idiot" he said smiling
me:" I'm your idiot"
faisal:" and I'm yours" he said quietly as if he didn't want me to hear him.

and then we fell asleep on the living room carpet in each other's arms.