dear readers, I'm so sorry for the delay. i assure you i didn't forget about the blog and i intend to post asap. thank you for putting up with me. ill post as soon as i can inshallah.
الاثنين، 29 ديسمبر 2014
الخميس، 20 نوفمبر 2014
68
fahad:
i was dropping my smoke on the ground when a7med barged outside.
i sighed and stepped on my still lit cigarette.
i didn't even have to look to know it was him.
no one knew the back exit to the club better than we did.
me:" peace and quiet. thats all i wanted. two minutes a7med, just two." i say and let out a breath of swirling smoke before turning to him.
the look on his face stops me though.
his eyes were wide, his face was unnaturally bright and held the seriousness he had with in him. the one he scarcely showed. he never let his true side surface, not unless it was important.
me:" sh9ar?" i asked him. i was hesitant as i studied his face. it was rare that this cheshire cat ever was serious.
he paused before holding out a crisp white letter. i pulled out another cigarette and lit it before taking it from him. i had a feeling i'd probably need it.
a7med grinned as he held it out for me. there it is, i mused to myself. the craziness is never far behind with this one.
a7med: " don't kill the messenger" he said with barely concealed glee.
i eyed him before i snatched it from his grasp.
and by the time i was done my newly lit cigarette had fallen to the ground as a result of my shock.
---
( 2 days earlier)
layan:
faisal and i just got into the car and we were on our way to the estate.
from what i gathered it was a sprawling mansion filled with private memories of faisal's childhood. good ones. i couldn't help the smile that formed on my face as i imagined a grumpy little faisal with his chubby hands and big round black eyes.
i bet he looked nothing like the brooding six feet tall giant with what seemes like a permanent scowl.
faisal was sitting in front with the cab driver and we were about half an hour away from the airport.
me: " how much longer til we get there?" i asked impatiently.
faisal chuckled and looked at the cab driver.
faisal: " she has no patience" he said. and the cab driver grunted in agreement.
i tried not to be offended so i just harumphed and crossed my arms around my chest.
faisal: " were here layan" he said a moment later.
i looked out the window and saw the most breathtaking view.
this was - by far - better than what i had imagined.
i gasped in shock.
me: " this is straight out of a fairy tale" i said and laughed out loud.
faisal - unnaturally quiet- didn't turn to face me and just leapt out of the car.
me: " are you ok?" i asked him when i got out after him. i rushed to were he was.
which was in the back pulling out the bags with the cab driver.
faisal who was averting his eyes from me and, looking anywhere but at me turned to me and said : " nisait shay bilfront seat can you check it out?" he asked.
i nodded not knowing what the hell was going on.
me:" ya sure, bas shino nisait?" i asked.
but he just looked into the trunk with a blank face.
faisal:" you'll know" he said mysteriously.
i shrugged and tried not to look clueless but gave up and scratched my head as i walked back to faisal's seat in the front.
i opened the door.
and i found a small black box in the chair.
i felt my mouth dry up and my teeth clench.
i picked up the box and found a letter under it.
i opened it with shaking hands.
and the letter said:
i know were already married... but would you do me the honours of letting me be your husband?
- yours truly.
i read them with blurry eyes and the letters wavered as i did so.
it took me some time.
and then i placed it on the chair and held the box in front of me.
i opened it slowly.
breathe... i told myself.
i had to will my hands to stop shaking but i couldn't, and the tears wouldn't stop creeping down my face.
thats when i felt two strong arms wrap around me and entwine themselves with mine.
his rough hand gently clasped my hand which was holding the box.
faisal: " if you marry me ill be your hands."
he said.
and then
he opened it for me.
and there... inside.... lay a ring. a white gold band which had an "f+l" engraved inside.
faisal: " if you marry me ill be your eyes" he said before turning me around and brushing the tears from my eyes.
and i realised that he wasn't standing alone.
my mother, reem, and my lil bro were standing quietly behind him with matching grins. his father as well as mine were no where to be found. a7med and fahad were also absent from this.
but his grandma was here. she was standing with my little group looking proud.
my shocked eyes turned back to faisal.
he smiled a small shy unsure smile. it broke my heart a little to see him so nervous.
then he dropped to one knee.
my hands flew to my face as i watched him.
faisal: " if you marry me you'll agree to be mine" he said with serious black pools of mystery.
a mystery that was offering to let me solve it. and even if i never did, with faisal, sometimes its nice to have a little mystery in your life.
faisal: " i know I've been nothing but selfish but the truth is, layan." he paused " I've always been yours. and i always will be. even if you say no. even if you leave me now it won't change a thing. " he said and my tears were streaming freely.
faisal: " but if you marry me you will agree to be mine, just as much as i am yours. i have done many selfish things in the past.... but what I'm about to ask from you know is the most selfish thing i will ever do" he said and then he slowly stood up.
faisal: " be mine" he said simply. but nothing about how he said it was simple. not the way his voice hitched as he said it. or the desperate and wild look within his eyes. not the way he breathed unevenly as he waited for my answer.
so i decided to put both of us out of our misery and give the boy an answer.
i slowly cupped his beautiful face in my hands. his hands rose and held mine on his face.
me: " i thought you'd never ask" i said before his face broke into a grin and the small crowd erupted into shouts and yippees. even the cab driver was teary by the end of that.
faisal picked me up and spun me around. he kissed me then.. and it was then that i found that he was crying too. when his tears mixed with mine as we stood in front of the most beautiful house i could have ever dreamt of.
i was dropping my smoke on the ground when a7med barged outside.
i sighed and stepped on my still lit cigarette.
i didn't even have to look to know it was him.
no one knew the back exit to the club better than we did.
me:" peace and quiet. thats all i wanted. two minutes a7med, just two." i say and let out a breath of swirling smoke before turning to him.
the look on his face stops me though.
his eyes were wide, his face was unnaturally bright and held the seriousness he had with in him. the one he scarcely showed. he never let his true side surface, not unless it was important.
me:" sh9ar?" i asked him. i was hesitant as i studied his face. it was rare that this cheshire cat ever was serious.
he paused before holding out a crisp white letter. i pulled out another cigarette and lit it before taking it from him. i had a feeling i'd probably need it.
a7med grinned as he held it out for me. there it is, i mused to myself. the craziness is never far behind with this one.
a7med: " don't kill the messenger" he said with barely concealed glee.
i eyed him before i snatched it from his grasp.
and by the time i was done my newly lit cigarette had fallen to the ground as a result of my shock.
---
( 2 days earlier)
layan:
faisal and i just got into the car and we were on our way to the estate.
from what i gathered it was a sprawling mansion filled with private memories of faisal's childhood. good ones. i couldn't help the smile that formed on my face as i imagined a grumpy little faisal with his chubby hands and big round black eyes.
i bet he looked nothing like the brooding six feet tall giant with what seemes like a permanent scowl.
faisal was sitting in front with the cab driver and we were about half an hour away from the airport.
me: " how much longer til we get there?" i asked impatiently.
faisal chuckled and looked at the cab driver.
faisal: " she has no patience" he said. and the cab driver grunted in agreement.
i tried not to be offended so i just harumphed and crossed my arms around my chest.
faisal: " were here layan" he said a moment later.
i looked out the window and saw the most breathtaking view.
this was - by far - better than what i had imagined.
i gasped in shock.
me: " this is straight out of a fairy tale" i said and laughed out loud.
faisal - unnaturally quiet- didn't turn to face me and just leapt out of the car.
me: " are you ok?" i asked him when i got out after him. i rushed to were he was.
which was in the back pulling out the bags with the cab driver.
faisal who was averting his eyes from me and, looking anywhere but at me turned to me and said : " nisait shay bilfront seat can you check it out?" he asked.
i nodded not knowing what the hell was going on.
me:" ya sure, bas shino nisait?" i asked.
but he just looked into the trunk with a blank face.
faisal:" you'll know" he said mysteriously.
i shrugged and tried not to look clueless but gave up and scratched my head as i walked back to faisal's seat in the front.
i opened the door.
and i found a small black box in the chair.
i felt my mouth dry up and my teeth clench.
i picked up the box and found a letter under it.
i opened it with shaking hands.
and the letter said:
i know were already married... but would you do me the honours of letting me be your husband?
- yours truly.
i read them with blurry eyes and the letters wavered as i did so.
it took me some time.
and then i placed it on the chair and held the box in front of me.
i opened it slowly.
breathe... i told myself.
i had to will my hands to stop shaking but i couldn't, and the tears wouldn't stop creeping down my face.
thats when i felt two strong arms wrap around me and entwine themselves with mine.
his rough hand gently clasped my hand which was holding the box.
faisal: " if you marry me ill be your hands."
he said.
and then
he opened it for me.
and there... inside.... lay a ring. a white gold band which had an "f+l" engraved inside.
faisal: " if you marry me ill be your eyes" he said before turning me around and brushing the tears from my eyes.
and i realised that he wasn't standing alone.
my mother, reem, and my lil bro were standing quietly behind him with matching grins. his father as well as mine were no where to be found. a7med and fahad were also absent from this.
but his grandma was here. she was standing with my little group looking proud.
my shocked eyes turned back to faisal.
he smiled a small shy unsure smile. it broke my heart a little to see him so nervous.
then he dropped to one knee.
my hands flew to my face as i watched him.
faisal: " if you marry me you'll agree to be mine" he said with serious black pools of mystery.
a mystery that was offering to let me solve it. and even if i never did, with faisal, sometimes its nice to have a little mystery in your life.
faisal: " i know I've been nothing but selfish but the truth is, layan." he paused " I've always been yours. and i always will be. even if you say no. even if you leave me now it won't change a thing. " he said and my tears were streaming freely.
faisal: " but if you marry me you will agree to be mine, just as much as i am yours. i have done many selfish things in the past.... but what I'm about to ask from you know is the most selfish thing i will ever do" he said and then he slowly stood up.
faisal: " be mine" he said simply. but nothing about how he said it was simple. not the way his voice hitched as he said it. or the desperate and wild look within his eyes. not the way he breathed unevenly as he waited for my answer.
so i decided to put both of us out of our misery and give the boy an answer.
i slowly cupped his beautiful face in my hands. his hands rose and held mine on his face.
me: " i thought you'd never ask" i said before his face broke into a grin and the small crowd erupted into shouts and yippees. even the cab driver was teary by the end of that.
faisal picked me up and spun me around. he kissed me then.. and it was then that i found that he was crying too. when his tears mixed with mine as we stood in front of the most beautiful house i could have ever dreamt of.
الخميس، 13 نوفمبر 2014
67
fahad:
" i quit" i said on the phone.
the line was eerily quiet and ahmed was staring at me in silent horror from across the room.
he started jumping up and down. " what the hell are you doing?" he mouthed frantically.
we were in our hotel room in new york and ahmed wasn't on board with my decision.
but then the voice on the line replied.
" na3am?" he asked with a quiet voice that didn't faze me the least.
i knew my father would be mad. just how mad? i didn't know. but it was time. it was time i grew out of this. and i hadn't talked to him since i found out about my siblings.
" sima3tny. I'm done being bribed by you. I'm done with your lies.... and I'm done being your son" i said quietly.
ahmet was at the point of pulling his own hair. he took out his own phone and ran to the bathroom. i knew he'd be calling faisal though. those two were as thick as thieves, and after all they were cousins.
i inwardly rolled my eyes. if faisal were here he would've flipped out even though he himself wasn't on the best terms with his own father.
i heard a laugh on the line.
" you can't quit being my son fhaiid. now what is this all about? why the sudden call o int mo m7acheeny min ilmostashfa?" he asked in his lazy yet angry voice.
" yimkin la2anik chathabt 3alaina o 5ashait 5wany minny?" i asked and i gave him a hysteric laugh of my own.
he wasn't amused.
" ma chathabt.--" he started to say but i cut him off.
" int ma kint wathi7 ma3ay ma3ana i did everything you told me to. every time you ask me or faisal to jump we say how high. every time you be a jerk to me i stay quiet. bas hal 7araka illy int sawaitha? this was the last straw for me yuba. 5ala9 la3at chaby-" i said but i heard him give a warning sound. as if i was going to go too far with what i was about to say.
" isma3ny fahad, sid iltelephone o ihda gabil ma thnaynatna ingool shay.... dont defy me fahad. i have done everything in my power to make you happy" he said.
i sat down on my big white king sized bed and pinched the bridge of my nose. i scrunched my eyes shut.
" your just like layan...." he said " so.... what do you think about her?" he asked and my eyes flew open.
" she's amazing." i said quietly.
he grunted in agreement.
" and neither of you will ever forgive me." he said quietly.
" shda3wa never" i mutter.
" maybe you will, but will either of you ever see me the same?" he asked
and it struck me. the realisation that my dad could feel guilt. that he thought we would hate him. resent him even, for what he had done. i sighed.
this isn't what i had wanted. i didn't want us all to be separated and hate each other like this.
" I'm sorry too." i said.
" its ok." he replied.
and just like that we had become just a little bit closer than we had ever been.
and after a few minutes of talking about our daily lives me and my dad had closed the phone. with laughter in the air and smiles on both our faces.
" i quit" i said on the phone.
the line was eerily quiet and ahmed was staring at me in silent horror from across the room.
he started jumping up and down. " what the hell are you doing?" he mouthed frantically.
we were in our hotel room in new york and ahmed wasn't on board with my decision.
but then the voice on the line replied.
" na3am?" he asked with a quiet voice that didn't faze me the least.
i knew my father would be mad. just how mad? i didn't know. but it was time. it was time i grew out of this. and i hadn't talked to him since i found out about my siblings.
" sima3tny. I'm done being bribed by you. I'm done with your lies.... and I'm done being your son" i said quietly.
ahmet was at the point of pulling his own hair. he took out his own phone and ran to the bathroom. i knew he'd be calling faisal though. those two were as thick as thieves, and after all they were cousins.
i inwardly rolled my eyes. if faisal were here he would've flipped out even though he himself wasn't on the best terms with his own father.
i heard a laugh on the line.
" you can't quit being my son fhaiid. now what is this all about? why the sudden call o int mo m7acheeny min ilmostashfa?" he asked in his lazy yet angry voice.
" yimkin la2anik chathabt 3alaina o 5ashait 5wany minny?" i asked and i gave him a hysteric laugh of my own.
he wasn't amused.
" ma chathabt.--" he started to say but i cut him off.
" int ma kint wathi7 ma3ay ma3ana i did everything you told me to. every time you ask me or faisal to jump we say how high. every time you be a jerk to me i stay quiet. bas hal 7araka illy int sawaitha? this was the last straw for me yuba. 5ala9 la3at chaby-" i said but i heard him give a warning sound. as if i was going to go too far with what i was about to say.
" isma3ny fahad, sid iltelephone o ihda gabil ma thnaynatna ingool shay.... dont defy me fahad. i have done everything in my power to make you happy" he said.
i sat down on my big white king sized bed and pinched the bridge of my nose. i scrunched my eyes shut.
" your just like layan...." he said " so.... what do you think about her?" he asked and my eyes flew open.
" she's amazing." i said quietly.
he grunted in agreement.
" and neither of you will ever forgive me." he said quietly.
" shda3wa never" i mutter.
" maybe you will, but will either of you ever see me the same?" he asked
and it struck me. the realisation that my dad could feel guilt. that he thought we would hate him. resent him even, for what he had done. i sighed.
this isn't what i had wanted. i didn't want us all to be separated and hate each other like this.
" I'm sorry too." i said.
" its ok." he replied.
and just like that we had become just a little bit closer than we had ever been.
and after a few minutes of talking about our daily lives me and my dad had closed the phone. with laughter in the air and smiles on both our faces.
السبت، 18 أكتوبر 2014
66
layan:
after video chatting with reem, and the fam, faisal and i went to the airport. right after faisal went out to talk on the phone with his grandmother and pay the hotel bill while i packed we headed out.
i sat quietly next to faisal.. tucked under his arm in the backseat of a cab.
he was on the phone with a7med.
faisal: " - ee fa i7na il7een ray7een southampton inshallah. layan o ana. gooola" he said and worry creased his eyebrows. he was referring to fahad....
faisal knew a7med was still with fahad. he knew exactly where they were at all times. faisal never stopped worrying about fahad. something that stuck with him since childhood. they fell into step with each other and had a deep bond that was deeply embedded in both of them. i dozed off a bit as i imagined how baby faisal and my brother looked like as kids. i smiled to myself. at least he had faisal, and faisal is more than ill ever be.
when faisal shut the phone a few minutes later he tightened his arm around my shoulder.
faisal: " sweet dreams?" he whispered. his voice a roughly scratchy yet as sweet as a silk caress against my hair.
i smiled into his jacket.
me:" only when your in them" i say and he laughs softly.
he let me doze off a bit more and promised to wake me up when we got to the airport.
when we did get there we got on our plane. i had a feeling that this was the beginning of something.
something beautiful. inshallah.
what? A girl can hope can't she?
---
faisal woke me up when we landed in the UK my first thought was wow. were really here. a million miles away from fahad.
i sighed and decided not to think about that too much and to focus on something a little more positive. the bright side. fahad was the bright side one in this friendship . and faisal was the hero.
there was no reason i couldn't be both, right? i missed reem terribly. she's my best friend. my lifeline when I'm in danger. alhamdulillah. whats life without friends... i had to get faisals best friend back.
i shook my head and my thoughts away and focused on helping faisal with the luggage.
as usual faisal wouldn't let me touch a thing.
me: " ok just that one little bag" i said exasperated after ten minuets of arguing.
he gave me one of his death stares. he was about five seconds from popping a vein.
i could almost see the smoke coming out of his ears and i tried not to snicker at that image.
faisal: " that ' little bag' a6wal minnich" he said before throwing it on the trolley and moving past me.
i couldn't help the laugh that formed.
me: " your so stubborn" i shouted but i couldn't help smile.
he grinned since he knew i gave up.
faisal: " you can carry this" he said
and i looked down at his hand which was now holding a key.
i raised an eyebrow at him but took it anyways.
he had a smug smile on his face and a twinkle in his dark eyes.
oooooh no. twinkly eyed faisal meant mischief and games.
he laughed at what my expression mustve showed.
faisal: " relax, its the keys to the mansion" he said and leaned a bit forward.
his face was inches from mine and the spark was still there
faisal:" I'm sure i must have said this before but incase i haven't, you drive me crazy" he said. and i smiled slightly at him feeling a bit insecure. i couldn't help that i was a bit crazy it was who i was.
so i looked at his shoes.
i felt his fingers grasp the bottom of my chin and lift it.
faisal: "your the only person whose ever dared put me in my place. the only person to go against me. to challenge me.." he said and his big black eyes bored into mine
"you are my biggest weakness, and i still find myself in love with you because of all those things" he said.
i stood there breathlessly staring at him as a sly smile formed on his face and he laughed as he walked away with all the bags.
i caught up with him when i remembered how to breathe again.
after video chatting with reem, and the fam, faisal and i went to the airport. right after faisal went out to talk on the phone with his grandmother and pay the hotel bill while i packed we headed out.
i sat quietly next to faisal.. tucked under his arm in the backseat of a cab.
he was on the phone with a7med.
faisal: " - ee fa i7na il7een ray7een southampton inshallah. layan o ana. gooola" he said and worry creased his eyebrows. he was referring to fahad....
faisal knew a7med was still with fahad. he knew exactly where they were at all times. faisal never stopped worrying about fahad. something that stuck with him since childhood. they fell into step with each other and had a deep bond that was deeply embedded in both of them. i dozed off a bit as i imagined how baby faisal and my brother looked like as kids. i smiled to myself. at least he had faisal, and faisal is more than ill ever be.
when faisal shut the phone a few minutes later he tightened his arm around my shoulder.
faisal: " sweet dreams?" he whispered. his voice a roughly scratchy yet as sweet as a silk caress against my hair.
i smiled into his jacket.
me:" only when your in them" i say and he laughs softly.
he let me doze off a bit more and promised to wake me up when we got to the airport.
when we did get there we got on our plane. i had a feeling that this was the beginning of something.
something beautiful. inshallah.
what? A girl can hope can't she?
---
faisal woke me up when we landed in the UK my first thought was wow. were really here. a million miles away from fahad.
i sighed and decided not to think about that too much and to focus on something a little more positive. the bright side. fahad was the bright side one in this friendship . and faisal was the hero.
there was no reason i couldn't be both, right? i missed reem terribly. she's my best friend. my lifeline when I'm in danger. alhamdulillah. whats life without friends... i had to get faisals best friend back.
i shook my head and my thoughts away and focused on helping faisal with the luggage.
as usual faisal wouldn't let me touch a thing.
me: " ok just that one little bag" i said exasperated after ten minuets of arguing.
he gave me one of his death stares. he was about five seconds from popping a vein.
i could almost see the smoke coming out of his ears and i tried not to snicker at that image.
faisal: " that ' little bag' a6wal minnich" he said before throwing it on the trolley and moving past me.
i couldn't help the laugh that formed.
me: " your so stubborn" i shouted but i couldn't help smile.
he grinned since he knew i gave up.
faisal: " you can carry this" he said
and i looked down at his hand which was now holding a key.
i raised an eyebrow at him but took it anyways.
he had a smug smile on his face and a twinkle in his dark eyes.
oooooh no. twinkly eyed faisal meant mischief and games.
he laughed at what my expression mustve showed.
faisal: " relax, its the keys to the mansion" he said and leaned a bit forward.
his face was inches from mine and the spark was still there
faisal:" I'm sure i must have said this before but incase i haven't, you drive me crazy" he said. and i smiled slightly at him feeling a bit insecure. i couldn't help that i was a bit crazy it was who i was.
so i looked at his shoes.
i felt his fingers grasp the bottom of my chin and lift it.
faisal: "your the only person whose ever dared put me in my place. the only person to go against me. to challenge me.." he said and his big black eyes bored into mine
"you are my biggest weakness, and i still find myself in love with you because of all those things" he said.
i stood there breathlessly staring at him as a sly smile formed on his face and he laughed as he walked away with all the bags.
i caught up with him when i remembered how to breathe again.
الجمعة، 26 سبتمبر 2014
65
layan:
i was catching up on my reading since i wandered off this morning and found barnes and nobles.
my favourite book was on the front shelf so i took it as a good sign, maybe we would end up all going back home. i flipped the page and wondered where faisal was when i heard the door open.
he smiled at me
" jane eyre? i didn't peg you for a charlotte bronte reader. bas you are just like jane." he joked.
but i didn't smile back.
i just stared.
his eyes looked dead
i slowly got up from the bed and untangled myself from the sheets.
faisal didn't move a muscle.
i slowly padded to him in my blue oversized donald duck shirt and sweats.
when i reached him i saw that his eyes wouldn't meet mine.
he was holding it in, everything.
he always did.
he never thought fahad or i could handle his pain or sorrow or fears. he was too busy protecting us.
too busy being the strong one.
so i put my hands on his face and cupped his cheeks.
me: " you didn't find him" i said guessing that this would be what caused his crestfallen face to be so ashen.
he shook his head ever so slowly and pulled out an envelope he was holding.
faisal: " i found him." he said slowly.
but i didn't smile. i didn't laugh. and i did not ask him why he wasn't happy.
so i stayed quiet.
faisal: " im soso sorry" he mumbled.
and a tear escaped his lang lashes.
i panicked. on the inside of course.
faisal wouldn't cry... he would cry over anything that wasn't important to him.
faisal: " he didn't want to come back" he said quietly.
his hands envelope and all twined through mine and tangled with my fingers on his face.
he slowly detached me from him and inserted the envelope in my hands.
faisal: " he wanted me to have my happy ending" he said quietly.
and so he waited for me to open the envelope.
southampton estate. what i found inside was a picture and will.
the picture was of a huge sprawling white mansion in one of the most beautiful and wuite places in the world.
i looked up at him.
me: " is this where you wanted to go?' i asked quietly.
he smiled though it was a pained and heartbroken smile that only succeeded in pushing a small needle into my heart.
faisal: " its home to me" he said quietly. " that house and you. your everything i ever wanted" he said quietly " your everything to me" he said.
but i heard what he didn't say. i heard the guilt in not including fahad inn is happy ending, i could hear the pain at having lost someone so important to him.
i could hear it all.
fahad abandoned faisal.
and faisal blamed himself.
i spread my arms and hugged him tightly.
me: " then well go to southampton. well go and maybe hell find us there" i said quietly.
i could fix this.... somehow.
he held me so tight that i couldn't breathe. it was as if i were his lifeline and he was a drowning man.
that night i woke up. i was sprawled onto the bed as usual and i looked at faisal as he slept neatly at the edge of the bed, as far away from me as he could get.
i inched closer and secured an arm around him.
i knew he must be feeling confused, and afraid.
fahad where are you? i thought to myself
i kissed his tshirt clad back before going to sleep.
then i felt his hand find mine. he held it tight in his throughout the night. and i knew everything would be ok.
i was catching up on my reading since i wandered off this morning and found barnes and nobles.
my favourite book was on the front shelf so i took it as a good sign, maybe we would end up all going back home. i flipped the page and wondered where faisal was when i heard the door open.
he smiled at me
" jane eyre? i didn't peg you for a charlotte bronte reader. bas you are just like jane." he joked.
but i didn't smile back.
i just stared.
his eyes looked dead
i slowly got up from the bed and untangled myself from the sheets.
faisal didn't move a muscle.
i slowly padded to him in my blue oversized donald duck shirt and sweats.
when i reached him i saw that his eyes wouldn't meet mine.
he was holding it in, everything.
he always did.
he never thought fahad or i could handle his pain or sorrow or fears. he was too busy protecting us.
too busy being the strong one.
so i put my hands on his face and cupped his cheeks.
me: " you didn't find him" i said guessing that this would be what caused his crestfallen face to be so ashen.
he shook his head ever so slowly and pulled out an envelope he was holding.
faisal: " i found him." he said slowly.
but i didn't smile. i didn't laugh. and i did not ask him why he wasn't happy.
so i stayed quiet.
faisal: " im soso sorry" he mumbled.
and a tear escaped his lang lashes.
i panicked. on the inside of course.
faisal wouldn't cry... he would cry over anything that wasn't important to him.
faisal: " he didn't want to come back" he said quietly.
his hands envelope and all twined through mine and tangled with my fingers on his face.
he slowly detached me from him and inserted the envelope in my hands.
faisal: " he wanted me to have my happy ending" he said quietly.
and so he waited for me to open the envelope.
southampton estate. what i found inside was a picture and will.
the picture was of a huge sprawling white mansion in one of the most beautiful and wuite places in the world.
i looked up at him.
me: " is this where you wanted to go?' i asked quietly.
he smiled though it was a pained and heartbroken smile that only succeeded in pushing a small needle into my heart.
faisal: " its home to me" he said quietly. " that house and you. your everything i ever wanted" he said quietly " your everything to me" he said.
but i heard what he didn't say. i heard the guilt in not including fahad inn is happy ending, i could hear the pain at having lost someone so important to him.
i could hear it all.
fahad abandoned faisal.
and faisal blamed himself.
i spread my arms and hugged him tightly.
me: " then well go to southampton. well go and maybe hell find us there" i said quietly.
i could fix this.... somehow.
he held me so tight that i couldn't breathe. it was as if i were his lifeline and he was a drowning man.
that night i woke up. i was sprawled onto the bed as usual and i looked at faisal as he slept neatly at the edge of the bed, as far away from me as he could get.
i inched closer and secured an arm around him.
i knew he must be feeling confused, and afraid.
fahad where are you? i thought to myself
i kissed his tshirt clad back before going to sleep.
then i felt his hand find mine. he held it tight in his throughout the night. and i knew everything would be ok.
to by beloved and loyal readers
hey guys! this is in reply to all of you. thank you so much for always being true to the blog. i am writing it alone hahaha. i do have support from everyone around me and I'm happy with where the story is going alhamdulillah. i do have to tell you though, that even if the story ends this year or the next that i love this story just as much as you guys do. i just hope you guys know how much i appreciate you, thank you for being with me throughout this journey.
p.s. a small question: if i published a book would you guys get it?
p.s. a small question: if i published a book would you guys get it?
الأربعاء، 17 سبتمبر 2014
64
faisal:
i stood there staring at the envelope. what would i tell layan?
what could i tell layan?
that her brother didn't want to see her?
that he just gave me something that he knew i loved? that he knew meant the world to me?
something i kept secret, so far fetched i didn't dare dream id ever get it.
so i stood there infornt of our hotel room and i thought about that day .....when we were thirteen.
fahad walked into my room at boarding school and told me to pack up since we were road tripping with my mom to southampton. ya. that stupid hell hole that didn't even have wifi.
i rolled my eyes and sighed.
i ran my little hands through my hair.
fahad laughed.
fahad: " oh come on it can't be that bad. we have a pool there at least! and my mom's meeting us there remember? no dads. no ones going to mess up this vacation." he said.
i smiled encouragingly and nodded.
when we got there the next day fahad and i stood in front of the southampton lodge both of our fathers owned. they used to come here during there college days but as usual they grew out of it. they got bored. just like they did with everything else.
fahad and i got into our mirroring rooms. so we were basically 5 feet apart. our moms announced that wed be ordering take out so i was happy that wed at least be fed.
i pulled out my swimming trunks and thought: you might as well get on with it and at least try to enjoy it.
when we got down and swam our mothers joined us poolside and chatted about god knows what.
i hated to admit it, but it was fun. i felt free. i felt happy for once.
7asayt nafsy 5afeef o mirtaaaaaa7.
i smiled.
our moms called us to the table we ate and we had cake afterwards.
nothing special.
that night fahad and i went out into the backyard because he wanted to show me something.
fahad: " close your eyes!!!" he hissed. and i sighed but did as i was told and he held my shirt while he led me to the trees out back.
fahad: " happy birthday faisal" he said and i opened my eyes.
i was surrounded by fireflies. fireflies everywhere. i looked around me in awe. this was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
i was so happy that i could fly along with those buzzing fireflies. we ran around catching them and we let them go. but i took one with me.
i took one with me back home as i took fahad to his room.
and then i snuck back out there with my hand still in my pocket.
i remember taking out the firefly and whispering something to it.
i didn't think anyone would hear me.
no one was there
" i wish i could build my own family hear. have my wife and children here. away from baba. away from the world" i said quietly and released it.
" ya rab inshallah taktib ma feeh il5air. o ta36eeny 3ala gad niyity" i said and left.
shlon sima3ny? ana wa9alta ghorfita ib nafsy.
i took out my phone and sent him a text
faisal: you were part of that dream fahad. you and layan and your future wife.
i closed my eyes and braced myself for what i was about to find behind my door. i would have to tell her. that her brother didn't want to be found.
i stood there staring at the envelope. what would i tell layan?
what could i tell layan?
that her brother didn't want to see her?
that he just gave me something that he knew i loved? that he knew meant the world to me?
something i kept secret, so far fetched i didn't dare dream id ever get it.
so i stood there infornt of our hotel room and i thought about that day .....when we were thirteen.
fahad walked into my room at boarding school and told me to pack up since we were road tripping with my mom to southampton. ya. that stupid hell hole that didn't even have wifi.
i rolled my eyes and sighed.
i ran my little hands through my hair.
fahad laughed.
fahad: " oh come on it can't be that bad. we have a pool there at least! and my mom's meeting us there remember? no dads. no ones going to mess up this vacation." he said.
i smiled encouragingly and nodded.
when we got there the next day fahad and i stood in front of the southampton lodge both of our fathers owned. they used to come here during there college days but as usual they grew out of it. they got bored. just like they did with everything else.
fahad and i got into our mirroring rooms. so we were basically 5 feet apart. our moms announced that wed be ordering take out so i was happy that wed at least be fed.
i pulled out my swimming trunks and thought: you might as well get on with it and at least try to enjoy it.
when we got down and swam our mothers joined us poolside and chatted about god knows what.
i hated to admit it, but it was fun. i felt free. i felt happy for once.
7asayt nafsy 5afeef o mirtaaaaaa7.
i smiled.
our moms called us to the table we ate and we had cake afterwards.
nothing special.
that night fahad and i went out into the backyard because he wanted to show me something.
fahad: " close your eyes!!!" he hissed. and i sighed but did as i was told and he held my shirt while he led me to the trees out back.
fahad: " happy birthday faisal" he said and i opened my eyes.
i was surrounded by fireflies. fireflies everywhere. i looked around me in awe. this was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
i was so happy that i could fly along with those buzzing fireflies. we ran around catching them and we let them go. but i took one with me.
i took one with me back home as i took fahad to his room.
and then i snuck back out there with my hand still in my pocket.
i remember taking out the firefly and whispering something to it.
i didn't think anyone would hear me.
no one was there
" i wish i could build my own family hear. have my wife and children here. away from baba. away from the world" i said quietly and released it.
" ya rab inshallah taktib ma feeh il5air. o ta36eeny 3ala gad niyity" i said and left.
shlon sima3ny? ana wa9alta ghorfita ib nafsy.
i took out my phone and sent him a text
faisal: you were part of that dream fahad. you and layan and your future wife.
i closed my eyes and braced myself for what i was about to find behind my door. i would have to tell her. that her brother didn't want to be found.
الأربعاء، 10 سبتمبر 2014
63
FAHAD
me: " how did you find me?" i asked bracing myself for the fight.
faisal looked fired up and ready to swing.
faisal: " who else would have set this up?" he asked, voice barely audible.
and the realisation hit me.
me: " a7med" i said and shook my head slowly. " I'm going to kill him" .
faisal barked out a laugh that startled me.
faisal:" not before i kill you" he walked towards me slowly.
faisal:" you know he's my first cousin. you know he's smart. and you know where his loyalties lay."
he said " so then why'd you do it?" he asked mystified.
i smiled slowly and pulled out an envelope I've been holding onto since the trip began.
i held it out to faisal.
faisals eyes bulged " what the hell is this?" he asked not moving his hands to take it.
me: " the will to the southampton lodge, i did some work on it and changed it to your name" i say.
faisal looks at me warily.
faisal: " if i take this will you come back with me?"
i reach my envelope closer to him.
me: " take it" i say with a small smile.
faisal: " don't turn anti fahad on me. cut the crap . " he says.
but takes the envelope.
faisal: " yallah layan is waiting back in the hotel"
but i shake my head
me: " salimly 3alaiha" i say.
faisal turns to me abruptly but i turn and run to the bartender and ask him if i could use the backdoor
i could hear his shouts.
" FAHAD! FAHAD!!"
i close my eyes and shut them tight.
i know that this time he wont find me.
so i run. i run far far away.
and then, only when I'm miles, away do i start walking again.
me: " how did you find me?" i asked bracing myself for the fight.
faisal looked fired up and ready to swing.
faisal: " who else would have set this up?" he asked, voice barely audible.
and the realisation hit me.
me: " a7med" i said and shook my head slowly. " I'm going to kill him" .
faisal barked out a laugh that startled me.
faisal:" not before i kill you" he walked towards me slowly.
faisal:" you know he's my first cousin. you know he's smart. and you know where his loyalties lay."
he said " so then why'd you do it?" he asked mystified.
i smiled slowly and pulled out an envelope I've been holding onto since the trip began.
i held it out to faisal.
faisals eyes bulged " what the hell is this?" he asked not moving his hands to take it.
me: " the will to the southampton lodge, i did some work on it and changed it to your name" i say.
faisal looks at me warily.
faisal: " if i take this will you come back with me?"
i reach my envelope closer to him.
me: " take it" i say with a small smile.
faisal: " don't turn anti fahad on me. cut the crap . " he says.
but takes the envelope.
faisal: " yallah layan is waiting back in the hotel"
but i shake my head
me: " salimly 3alaiha" i say.
faisal turns to me abruptly but i turn and run to the bartender and ask him if i could use the backdoor
i could hear his shouts.
" FAHAD! FAHAD!!"
i close my eyes and shut them tight.
i know that this time he wont find me.
so i run. i run far far away.
and then, only when I'm miles, away do i start walking again.
الاثنين، 1 سبتمبر 2014
62
FAHAD
i knew from the moment i walked into this stupid club that i wanted to turn right back around and head home.
the only reason i stayed, was because i didn't trust a7med to take care of himself. at all.
the guy saw every single celebrity crush he had. he had them all in one room and he was fan girling on me.
a7med: " AAAAAAAAAA MEGAN FOOOOX. I FRIGGIN LOVE YOU" he said while holding my arm to support himself from not falling.
i didn't move a muscle.
me:" a7med i don't think this is healthy for you. o fashaltna. int a5as min ilbint illy 6a7at ghashana minaak" i said and pointed at three girls surrounding a passed out girl.
a7med:" ee la2ana ohma shafow johnny depp. int shfeek ma 3indik 3yoon?!" he asked looking pissed.
i just wanted to get this over with this so i could go home and wait out my throbbing headache. ya, sunburns were a bitch.
i walked to the barstool at the edge of the bar and the bartender walked over to me.
bartender: " what can i get you?"
me:" water. with ice" i say putting my head on the cold bar table.
bartender: " rough night?"
me: " chya" i say my voice muffled and laugh into the table.
bartender: " someone sent this fir you" he said and i looked up alert and watched as he slipped a white envelope on the desk.
i took it hesitantly and opened it.
look behind you
it said and i slowly turned...
to see a cross armed gigantic red eyed faisal standing right there.
الخميس، 7 أغسطس 2014
61
layan:
when faisal and i checked into the hotel he asked them for two rooms.
i wasn't expecting them to tell him there were no available rooms other than one joined with one bed.
that embarrassing moment: when your married to someone you love, but have no idea how to:
1. face awkward moments
2. act like a married couple
or
3. grow and let the relationship grow with time.
our hotel lobby manager is basically forcing us to cut out a year of that 'time'
i feel myself blush and just stand behind faisal and let him deal with the dude.
" I'm sorry sir but we only have a single bed room available" he says
faisal looks angry but he does something more terrifying than what id expected an angry faisal to do
he smiled sweetly at the man
faisal: " do you like your job sir?"
ok ive let this go on long enough, and the man looks afraid enough as it is.
me:" ok well take it" i say and faisal looks at me for a long second before shrugging his shoulders.
the man gives me our room key and shows us us to our room.
the room had one bed and i freaked out a bit.
faisal leaned against the wall and crossed his arms around his chest.
when i realised faisal was looking at me i quickly faked a smile.
he pushed himself off the wall
faisal:" I'm taking the couch" he says and throws himself onto the couch.
i just look at him for a humiliatingly long second. he was face down on the couch looking like a giant black leopard.
something about it doesnt feel right though
me:" its my fault we got this room in the first place ill take the couch" i offer.
he turned his face slowly to me.
faisal:" ana ilrayal willa intay?" he asks me glaring at me.
me:" marriage is partnership. we split everything in half faisal. " i say
he glares at me and i enter a staring competition with him.
at one point i blinked. faisal took this as his cue to go to sleep.
i groaned furiously.
i got into my brown and yellow teddy pjs.
in hindsight i really shouldn't have bought these.
I'm too insecure to be comfortable in these but i didn't expect to be rooming with faisal.
i looked like an insecure twelve year old standing in the middle of a room staring at a sleeping lion of a man.
i sighed and closed the lights.
i went to the bed and found that i wasn't going to let faisal get away with this.
i got up and walked to the couch.
i lay down next to him though i have no idea how i managed to do that.
i got the blanket with me.
if he's going to be uncomfortable than so am i .
i reluctantly fell asleep.
in the middle of the night i think i heard faisal mutter something.
faisal:" layan 3nadich mo 6abee3y" he said before picking me up and carrying me to the bed.
me:" no point. if you go back to that couch I'm going back too" i say.
he looked at me frustrated.
he signed and climbed into the king sized bed next to me.
i realized faintly as i fell asleep that faisal blushed just then.
he was laying as far away on the bed as he could.
it was hilarious. i tried to muffle my laughs and coughed instead.
الأربعاء، 30 يوليو 2014
a treat to my readers.
so... i was just sitting there this morning after coming home from a looooong day. i was so tired and i just randomly thought. what would my male characters do if they were grumpy or tired or over worked.
and so as my treat to you here is what i imagine them saying
so basically faisal , fahad and a7med.
faisal:
when we get to the hotel.
'faisal this faisal that' ma7ad gadir isawy shay ib nafsa!! kila ana?! i need to find fahad. and when i
get my hands on his pretty boy face, ill punch him. how dare he run away from me?!!?!?!
get my hands on his pretty boy face, ill punch him. how dare he run away from me?!!?!?!
a7taj agi6 shay bars ildiressha.
lala lazim ahady a39aby. i go to my bed and lay down for a bit.
then i notice layans phone next to me on the bed. fa 9ar feeny 5al at3abath shway. ' let us see into the
mind of the crazy layan'. so i opened her phone which didn't have a password. ( thats so layan). o
gimt achayik il9iwar.
mind of the crazy layan'. so i opened her phone which didn't have a password. ( thats so layan). o
gimt achayik il9iwar.
3yoony bagigat.
there were about 300 pictures of ryan gosling in there.
i am in shock.
chan layan itdish
" hey " she says
" mino hatha o laish 7a6a 9wara?" i ask
" ryan gosling, you know who it is. o ana o my friends indizhom 7ag ba3ath. incase you haven't noticed he's hot" she says
" ya3ni ana mo taris 3aynich?!" i ask, exasperated
she laughs . then she says " i feel sorry for my friends faisal, they don't have you so I'm giving them hope to find someone else" she says.
but i don't buy it " ee rag3ay rag3ay"
and then she laughs and i hit her with a pillow
fahad and a7med:
i just came home from the pool at the top of the hotel, and damn is it hot. i got sunburned. i look like a fried orange. i have a splitting headache and I'm getting paranoid.
i run up to my hotel room and find a7med there wayid mishta6 masik two tickets to some - I'm sure
inappropriate- show.
inappropriate- show.
" bara" i say and head to the shower.
but knowing a7med, he's not going to leave til i agree.
but knowing a7med, he's not going to leave til i agree.
" maaany rayi7 ilayn ma tgool ib tyee!!!" he says.
i look at him:" can't you see I'm sunburned?" i ask
but a7med only shakes his head
" maly shighil, your coming. " he says
" llaaa2 " i say and slam the door in his face.
a7med shouts from the door but i shout back
only when i open the shower i hear the door open
" A7MED TABY TIN6AG?!! no means no!!!!!" i shout. but what i see isn't a7med.
i see a7med and a human size poster of kim kardashian
" we can go see her today!!! please ta3al ma3ay please!!!!!" he begs
chan ahadida bilshampoo and he runs away
" you freak! did you forget about tai?!" i shout.
" fai told me to go see her. ahya killa tshoof soccer players 3adi!!!" he shouts from outside.
those two have a weird relationship.
" a7med aby anam ok? you go!" i shout back
"LA2!!! THIS IS BRO TIME!" he shouts like a baby.
i sigh
" inzain give me an hour." i say
" yaaaaaaaaay" he sings and i hear him sing some weird song in the room.
الأربعاء، 23 يوليو 2014
60
note from me: my dearest readers, you have inspired me so much. into ma tadroon shkithir your support means to me. i just read the last 16 comments on my last post o mara7 achathib, i went to grab a tissue. you guys made me smile like an idiot while reading those comments. to the girls who read my posts during there tests: you inspire me. to the girls who think i should be a writer and publish this: you inspire me. and even to the girls who never commented before but silently support me through reading : you. inspire. me. allah y7afithkom. i love you guys. Iive been way busy lately and i barely find the time to post anything. but you guys motivate me, you guys make my writing mean something. you give me purpose. 7imdilla. i couldn't ask for better readers. thank you, you are my blog family ;P now back to the post
( ps , im interested to know which countries your in or from. show some colour people!!)
listen to : one direction - better than words
layan:
i sighed.
i didn't like seeing faisal so stressed out.
he and i were in the airport. we changed the plane twice.
so by the time dashayna through ilpassports, i started to notice just how tired he actually was.
faisal may seem cool bas you can tell from his thick stubble and sleep deprived eyes that he hasn't had a good nights sleep in some time.
id say he slept for 3 hours last night, but i was too busy passed out to find out.
and then i felt his hand slip in mine
faisal didn't look at me when he held my hand. he wasn't comfortable with his feelings yet and its really new for him to express anything other than hate or annoyance towards anyone other than fahad.
but that didn't stop me from looking at him
faisal acted like he didn't notice a thing
faisal:" layan, tabeen pinkberry?" he asks quietly
this was my fail expression -----> :O
" you hate pink berry" i said a bit shocked.
he glanced at me and gave me a small smile
faisal:" bas intay t7ibeena"
it was the way he said it.
it may seem to any normal person just walking by.
like a stupid conversation about froyo. but to me it meant the world
me:" how bout a strabucks?" i ask him
he doesn't notice my change in nature but shrugs and turns to walk to starbucks.
we hold hands as we walk and i just enjoy the fact that faisal is here, with me.
i know its not much of a honeymoon, chasing my long lost brother.
but a place is just a place, and the only thing that mattered was faisal.. here with me.
we buy ourselves a drink and i steal his and give him mine at one point. he just gives it to me without a fight. he's that tired.
when we board the plane i go to help him carry one of the handbags but he just takes it from me, and when i protest, he gives me a look.
we sit in business class. faisal gets the window seat and i get the isle one.
we sit down- ingool do3a2 ilrikoob- then we take off.
faisal:" I'm sorry i never told you about fahad " he says sounding as if he was holding this in for the past day.
he doesn't look at me. he looks out the window
me:" not your fault faisal, and it wasn't your secret to tell" i said and then took his hand.
he tried to pull back but i held it tight.
me:" you really hate yourself don't you?" i say in a humorous voice, though it isn't funny its still true, and its so faisal
faisal:" would you like me if you were me?" he asks and looks at me
me:" i love every inch of you faisal. you don't like yourself because of what your dad and mine did to you. but thats not you. your an amazing, and incredibly loyal person. if you weren't a good person you wouldn't have travelled half the world to get your best friend back. no, you'd probably be back at the garage polishing your bike" i say.
and he coughs. but i can tell that he was hiding a laugh
me:" and if you don't love yourself today then don't worry faisal. ill love you so much that you'll have no choice but to see how amazing and loveable you really are, and you'll learn to love yourself too"
he looks a bit shocked. but then he slowly smiles. and that smile spreads into a huge wide grin that lit up my entire universe
faisal:" maybe I'm too busy loving you to love myself" he says and pretend hair flips
i laugh out loud.
we both laugh at our silliness
fasial:" ana shak inna intay 7a6aytay shay ib gahwity, hathy 7arakat a7medo mo ana" he says
me:" nafs il 3irj" i say
and we laugh some more. we try to quiet each other down but end up nose to nose.
faisal:" i promise when this is all over, ill take you on a real vacation. just you and me ok?" he says and looks at me hopefully. he is still bent and we are nose to nose.
me:" ok " i say then pull out my pinky " pinky promise?" i ask grinning childishly at him.
but he looks at me seriously then wraps my finger in his and says " pinky promise"
then for a moment i think the world stopped.
because then,
for a split second, he kissed me.
( ps , im interested to know which countries your in or from. show some colour people!!)
listen to : one direction - better than words
layan:
i sighed.
i didn't like seeing faisal so stressed out.
he and i were in the airport. we changed the plane twice.
so by the time dashayna through ilpassports, i started to notice just how tired he actually was.
faisal may seem cool bas you can tell from his thick stubble and sleep deprived eyes that he hasn't had a good nights sleep in some time.
id say he slept for 3 hours last night, but i was too busy passed out to find out.
and then i felt his hand slip in mine
faisal didn't look at me when he held my hand. he wasn't comfortable with his feelings yet and its really new for him to express anything other than hate or annoyance towards anyone other than fahad.
but that didn't stop me from looking at him
faisal acted like he didn't notice a thing
faisal:" layan, tabeen pinkberry?" he asks quietly
this was my fail expression -----> :O
" you hate pink berry" i said a bit shocked.
he glanced at me and gave me a small smile
faisal:" bas intay t7ibeena"
it was the way he said it.
it may seem to any normal person just walking by.
like a stupid conversation about froyo. but to me it meant the world
me:" how bout a strabucks?" i ask him
he doesn't notice my change in nature but shrugs and turns to walk to starbucks.
we hold hands as we walk and i just enjoy the fact that faisal is here, with me.
i know its not much of a honeymoon, chasing my long lost brother.
but a place is just a place, and the only thing that mattered was faisal.. here with me.
we buy ourselves a drink and i steal his and give him mine at one point. he just gives it to me without a fight. he's that tired.
when we board the plane i go to help him carry one of the handbags but he just takes it from me, and when i protest, he gives me a look.
we sit in business class. faisal gets the window seat and i get the isle one.
we sit down- ingool do3a2 ilrikoob- then we take off.
faisal:" I'm sorry i never told you about fahad " he says sounding as if he was holding this in for the past day.
he doesn't look at me. he looks out the window
me:" not your fault faisal, and it wasn't your secret to tell" i said and then took his hand.
he tried to pull back but i held it tight.
me:" you really hate yourself don't you?" i say in a humorous voice, though it isn't funny its still true, and its so faisal
faisal:" would you like me if you were me?" he asks and looks at me
me:" i love every inch of you faisal. you don't like yourself because of what your dad and mine did to you. but thats not you. your an amazing, and incredibly loyal person. if you weren't a good person you wouldn't have travelled half the world to get your best friend back. no, you'd probably be back at the garage polishing your bike" i say.
and he coughs. but i can tell that he was hiding a laugh
me:" and if you don't love yourself today then don't worry faisal. ill love you so much that you'll have no choice but to see how amazing and loveable you really are, and you'll learn to love yourself too"
he looks a bit shocked. but then he slowly smiles. and that smile spreads into a huge wide grin that lit up my entire universe
faisal:" maybe I'm too busy loving you to love myself" he says and pretend hair flips
i laugh out loud.
we both laugh at our silliness
fasial:" ana shak inna intay 7a6aytay shay ib gahwity, hathy 7arakat a7medo mo ana" he says
me:" nafs il 3irj" i say
and we laugh some more. we try to quiet each other down but end up nose to nose.
faisal:" i promise when this is all over, ill take you on a real vacation. just you and me ok?" he says and looks at me hopefully. he is still bent and we are nose to nose.
me:" ok " i say then pull out my pinky " pinky promise?" i ask grinning childishly at him.
but he looks at me seriously then wraps my finger in his and says " pinky promise"
then for a moment i think the world stopped.
because then,
for a split second, he kissed me.
الخميس، 10 يوليو 2014
59
listen to : if i only had the heart - the maine
( tell me what you think of this chapter)
fahad:
its been 2 days since faisal called. to his utter chagrin and to my relief he still couldn't find a flight.
but that only meant that he was being delayed and that i only had a head start
the truth is faisal would eventually find me. id only had a head start.
---
me : "DONT FIND ME, DONT FUCKING FOLLOW ME FAISAL. 5ALNEE BRO7Y"
i threw my notebook on the floor .
faisal:" SHINHO? !DO YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF?! DID YOU REALLY THINK ID JUST FUCKING LET IT GO? oh well since i have layan now i don't need my best friend anymore and he can just run away whenever he wants to because il7aya 7ilwa. IS THAT WHAT YOU EXPECTED ME TO DO?!! DO YOU THINK THAT BECAUSE I GOT HER THAT ID TURN INTO A FAIRY AND EAT RAINBOWS?! ANA MO MSABAH, MO THOR O MO GHABY. try again fahad, because if you really believed id just let you go then you obviously are lying to yourself"
i took a deep breathe.
me: "your impossible" i muttered
faisal :" that i am" he replied
i covered my eyes and laughed
me: " you son of a bitch"
faisal:" that too"
and we both laughed
faisal:" reem misses you"
faisal meant himself when he said that, since he knows I'm still in contact with her.
me:" i miss you too bud. but you shouldn't miss me, I'm not good for this, I'm not capable of taking over that snakes business, you know I'm not cut out for that"
there was a long silence
faisal :" i know its hard to believe but did you know our dads used to be like us?"
.pause.
me:" your right i don't believe it"
faisal:" well they were, they used to trust no one but each other, they never cared about any one else, not there wives or there previous girlfriends. they weren't rich back then fahad, they were normal people"
i laughed
faisal:" well as normal as our dads can get, ilmohim, your dad believe it or not was just like you ...well a bit eviler and more devious and secretive but still.. out of the two of them you were more like him "
faisal sighed
me:" i know its hard for you to say this, and I'm sorry that they had to put you through all of this shit and make you keep so many damned secrets,....... you know i hated them not for what they did to me but for what they put you through faisal... I'm sorry i couldn't shoulder your weight... I'm sorry"
faisal:" don't be.. i did it so that you could live a normal life, and i failed you-"
me:" no you didn't! faisal you were my rock. your the brother i never had. or at least the only person i could rely on"
he was quiet for a long time
faisal:" you know.......... layan loves you too " he said in a hopeful sad voice
me:" don't say her name, don't bring her here, its too humiating for me " i hissed
faisal:" she's your sister and she loves you, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! NOTHING. now shut up and face it. we love you. we are your family. you need to be with us."
me:" no faisal 5alik ib mokanik, please leave me alone"
faisal:" well too fucking bad fahad, you'll just have to deal"
he said and shut off the phone
the phone rang again
me:" hala"
a7med:" IM COMING TOO!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!! If fa9ool gets to go then so do i!!!"
i just laughed
me:" inzain, bas im not gonna be here when they come. are you up for a road tip? shrayik ib new york"
a7med:" YAYYYYY HAHAHAHAH were gonna have so much fun!!! bikoon chinna 9aida ma 9aida WANASA"
me:" la tishta6 wayid !......im hoping they give up before they find us"
a7med:" faisal? faisal is the smartest guy i know fahad, and I'm sorry to say this but between the two of you he'll win"
i sighed
me:" well the a7med your in for a real surprise, because unlike faisal, i love being under estimated"
a7medo gasped:" i knew it!!!! bildewaniya galow innik mo hayin hahahaha wanasa. the dark side of fhaid!! fahad two point o"
we both laughed
me:" you bet"
( and that how the rest of the day went, fahad laughed along with a7med, and somewhere else in kuwait faisal, layan and reem were laughing too, as they packed and embarked on an adventure none of them expected.)
( tell me what you think of this chapter)
fahad:
its been 2 days since faisal called. to his utter chagrin and to my relief he still couldn't find a flight.
but that only meant that he was being delayed and that i only had a head start
the truth is faisal would eventually find me. id only had a head start.
---
me : "DONT FIND ME, DONT FUCKING FOLLOW ME FAISAL. 5ALNEE BRO7Y"
i threw my notebook on the floor .
faisal:" SHINHO? !DO YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF?! DID YOU REALLY THINK ID JUST FUCKING LET IT GO? oh well since i have layan now i don't need my best friend anymore and he can just run away whenever he wants to because il7aya 7ilwa. IS THAT WHAT YOU EXPECTED ME TO DO?!! DO YOU THINK THAT BECAUSE I GOT HER THAT ID TURN INTO A FAIRY AND EAT RAINBOWS?! ANA MO MSABAH, MO THOR O MO GHABY. try again fahad, because if you really believed id just let you go then you obviously are lying to yourself"
i took a deep breathe.
me: "your impossible" i muttered
faisal :" that i am" he replied
i covered my eyes and laughed
me: " you son of a bitch"
faisal:" that too"
and we both laughed
faisal:" reem misses you"
faisal meant himself when he said that, since he knows I'm still in contact with her.
me:" i miss you too bud. but you shouldn't miss me, I'm not good for this, I'm not capable of taking over that snakes business, you know I'm not cut out for that"
there was a long silence
faisal :" i know its hard to believe but did you know our dads used to be like us?"
.pause.
me:" your right i don't believe it"
faisal:" well they were, they used to trust no one but each other, they never cared about any one else, not there wives or there previous girlfriends. they weren't rich back then fahad, they were normal people"
i laughed
faisal:" well as normal as our dads can get, ilmohim, your dad believe it or not was just like you ...well a bit eviler and more devious and secretive but still.. out of the two of them you were more like him "
faisal sighed
me:" i know its hard for you to say this, and I'm sorry that they had to put you through all of this shit and make you keep so many damned secrets,....... you know i hated them not for what they did to me but for what they put you through faisal... I'm sorry i couldn't shoulder your weight... I'm sorry"
faisal:" don't be.. i did it so that you could live a normal life, and i failed you-"
me:" no you didn't! faisal you were my rock. your the brother i never had. or at least the only person i could rely on"
he was quiet for a long time
faisal:" you know.......... layan loves you too " he said in a hopeful sad voice
me:" don't say her name, don't bring her here, its too humiating for me " i hissed
faisal:" she's your sister and she loves you, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! NOTHING. now shut up and face it. we love you. we are your family. you need to be with us."
me:" no faisal 5alik ib mokanik, please leave me alone"
faisal:" well too fucking bad fahad, you'll just have to deal"
he said and shut off the phone
the phone rang again
me:" hala"
a7med:" IM COMING TOO!!! ITS NOT FAIR!!! If fa9ool gets to go then so do i!!!"
i just laughed
me:" inzain, bas im not gonna be here when they come. are you up for a road tip? shrayik ib new york"
a7med:" YAYYYYY HAHAHAHAH were gonna have so much fun!!! bikoon chinna 9aida ma 9aida WANASA"
me:" la tishta6 wayid !......im hoping they give up before they find us"
a7med:" faisal? faisal is the smartest guy i know fahad, and I'm sorry to say this but between the two of you he'll win"
i sighed
me:" well the a7med your in for a real surprise, because unlike faisal, i love being under estimated"
a7medo gasped:" i knew it!!!! bildewaniya galow innik mo hayin hahahaha wanasa. the dark side of fhaid!! fahad two point o"
we both laughed
me:" you bet"
( and that how the rest of the day went, fahad laughed along with a7med, and somewhere else in kuwait faisal, layan and reem were laughing too, as they packed and embarked on an adventure none of them expected.)
السبت، 5 يوليو 2014
58
layan:
faisal was shouting through the phone.
he was livid. roaring like a lion
reem and i were in the same room, the living room. faisal was pacing around.
2 HOURS EARLIER
reem came over to our house and rang the bell that morning
i woke up to faisals vice grip around me, my face buried in his chest and his in my hair.
he grunted as she impatiently kept ringing. then he got up.
it was the cutest thing ever. he looked so confused and disoriented. like a 5 year old faisal.
he saw me smiling, then frowned.
" what?"
me:" your the cutest thing ever"
his frown depend, and he moved toward the door and opened it. reem came in and burst into tears.
she hugged me while faisal and i looked at each other with confusion
then reem spilled her guts about fahad and his secret trip.
BACK TO NOW
" INT SHLON RI7T MIN WARA THAHRY?!!"
faisal was outraged
wow.
" CHATHABT 3ALAY, LAISH?"
and thats when he decided to go up the stairs.
reem and i looked at each other.
me:" i think were intruding on there bromance moment"
reem:" layan theres something i need to tell you" she said, face pale.
me:" what?"
thats when faisal came downstairs fully clothed and with his passport in hand.
reem:" fahad is your brother"
faisal froze
i froze
he stopped talking
i looked at him
our eyes locked, and he looked terrified
me:" what?"
then ream burst into tears all over again and went out of the room.
faisal and i were in a staring competition.
he closed his phone, and slowly - a if i were an endangered animal- walked towards me.
faisal:" layan, fahad and you are half brothers"
he said quietly as he stood right in front of me and bent down.
his hands were on my shoulders and we were eye level.
me:" how, what? when, which side."
faisal:" you know which side" he barely said.
me:" baba. how could he do this to me? to fahad. "
faisal just looked at me quietly, as if expecting me to say something.
and i did
me:" we need to go find him"
he smiled. as if he knew i would say that all along.
then he kissed me
faisal:" thats my girl"
and faisal told me the story, the whole story..... of how fahad and i were to never know of each others existence. of how he was raised to take over all of my fathers business and how faisal would take care of me and my lil bro.... he told me why fahad left.. fahad was ashamed.
and then we went to the airport.
to find fahad, my brother.
faisal was shouting through the phone.
he was livid. roaring like a lion
reem and i were in the same room, the living room. faisal was pacing around.
2 HOURS EARLIER
reem came over to our house and rang the bell that morning
i woke up to faisals vice grip around me, my face buried in his chest and his in my hair.
he grunted as she impatiently kept ringing. then he got up.
it was the cutest thing ever. he looked so confused and disoriented. like a 5 year old faisal.
he saw me smiling, then frowned.
" what?"
me:" your the cutest thing ever"
his frown depend, and he moved toward the door and opened it. reem came in and burst into tears.
she hugged me while faisal and i looked at each other with confusion
then reem spilled her guts about fahad and his secret trip.
BACK TO NOW
" INT SHLON RI7T MIN WARA THAHRY?!!"
faisal was outraged
wow.
" CHATHABT 3ALAY, LAISH?"
and thats when he decided to go up the stairs.
reem and i looked at each other.
me:" i think were intruding on there bromance moment"
reem:" layan theres something i need to tell you" she said, face pale.
me:" what?"
thats when faisal came downstairs fully clothed and with his passport in hand.
reem:" fahad is your brother"
faisal froze
i froze
he stopped talking
i looked at him
our eyes locked, and he looked terrified
me:" what?"
then ream burst into tears all over again and went out of the room.
faisal and i were in a staring competition.
he closed his phone, and slowly - a if i were an endangered animal- walked towards me.
faisal:" layan, fahad and you are half brothers"
he said quietly as he stood right in front of me and bent down.
his hands were on my shoulders and we were eye level.
me:" how, what? when, which side."
faisal:" you know which side" he barely said.
me:" baba. how could he do this to me? to fahad. "
faisal just looked at me quietly, as if expecting me to say something.
and i did
me:" we need to go find him"
he smiled. as if he knew i would say that all along.
then he kissed me
faisal:" thats my girl"
and faisal told me the story, the whole story..... of how fahad and i were to never know of each others existence. of how he was raised to take over all of my fathers business and how faisal would take care of me and my lil bro.... he told me why fahad left.. fahad was ashamed.
and then we went to the airport.
to find fahad, my brother.
الثلاثاء، 1 أبريل 2014
57
fahad:
i can't believe i have siblings i never know about.
was he that embarrassed to be my dad?
am i that much of a failure to him?
how can i look at layan again without feeling like I'm living a lie?!!!
is it really freedom or am i trying to find myself?
can i at least have the decency to admit that to myself?
i packed my bags and was on my way to the airport. a7med picked me up. he was solemn, but then so was i. we spoke in low voices.
the thing is, i was travelling alone.
i told faisal the flight was ten pm. when in truth it was at 6 am the day before.
why did i do it? because i lied.
its never easy lying to your best friend, but sometimes you need to. sometimes you leave the people you love behind so that they can be happy.
like layan.
i mean her .
a7med:" fahad, you can't do this."
he said at last
i sighed
me:" i have to"
he quietly parked and helped me to the terminal silently
we just trudged along in the parking lot.
i was never coming back. i was never going to talk to either of them again
not to faisal. not to her.
but i am selfish enough to talk to reem.
i looked toward the sun. i needed to be optimistic about this right?
i smiled to myself. though it was a mirthless smile
this will all be over when i get on that plane. i got excepted to UCLA
I'm on my way to freedom.
i smiled to myself.
what did he say? "SHE MUST NEVER KNOW"
but she's already a part of my life. she means a lot to me already.
no... she's better off without a loser, good for nothing, brother like me in her life.
if she knew about my mom. if she knew. she would hate me. she would never forgive me or love me.
and so i got on my plane and turned around one last time.
i gave a7med a hug. a strong gripped bear hug
we stood there hugging like a couple of gay guys for five minutes.
but we didn't care.
who knew when i would see him again.
so we said our goodbyes
and i said good bye to the country i love.
i said goodbye to home.
goodbye kuwait, please take care of them.
الاثنين، 31 مارس 2014
56
(this post is my gift to you and to myself ;) )
listen to latch by sam smith and disclosure. ( lana del rey -video games ( liam wales dubstep) and say something, and i see fire- by ed sheeran)
Layan:
and so i called reem, talked to her, told her everything.
she already heard and knew.
but reem said something that i couldn't get out of my head
" don't forget, he did this for you. and though he may seem like the devil, he's going through a lot of shit. his mom is dead layan, she's dead, the only reason he's still here is for you. its all for you"
so i sat there.
i sat there and watched tv. and waited for him to come home.
i felt guilty, and miserable, and homesick.
and then i realised that faisal was home to me. and as long as he and i were fighting, this homesickness would always occupy that space in my heart.
so i waited.
10 pm. 11. 12. 1. 2
and when it hit 2:30 am
the door opened.
he walked in. i couldn't process what was going on.
his scar.
my heart
my mind,
his eyes.
he was in the doorway. black shirt wide shocked eyes, mouth slitely open, a cut in his lip. a bit of blood on his collarbone, some on his nose. and a scar. could he look any hotter? yet I'm horrified by these mysterious injuries. he got his shoe string tied and they hung on his neck, a shoe on either side of his collarbone.
and i can see comparing how i looked to him. loose sweatshirt, shorts, and my purple poka dot cow socks. wow.
faisal was first to break the silence. his hair grew a bit longer in the past 3 weeks. and i notice this with a day of living with him. a lock of hair slides onto his face.
faisal:" laish mo nayma?" his voice was gruff, as usual, deep and gruff, like honey and ice.
me:" i was waiting for you."
faisal changed his stance, his posture was a bit more stiff.
he stood a bit straighter.
faisal:" fee shay tabeena?" he wouldn't look at me. he looked to the side.
it took guts to say what i was about to say next
me:" i want to talk"
he sharply inhaled
faisal:" then talk, you have 2 minutes" and just like that he crossed is arms on his chest and tilted his head to the left, he looked at me expectantly.
me:" I'm sorry"
he smiled a cruel ,bitter smile:" well your gonna have to be a bit clearer than that layan"
me:"im not being truthful with you, I'm not being there for you-"
he glared at me:" were are you going with this?"
me:" i just want to leave it all out in the open, i need you to know i love you"
his jaw locked and he started walking to the door. i got up and blocked it
me:" you can only runaway for so long faisal"
he bent down, that set him off
faisal exasperatedly said :" ME?! I'm the one running away?!"
me:" BOTH OF US ARE but at least I'm admitting it!"
he abruptly turned around walked two steps and threw his sneakers on the ground.
the majestic staircase as his background.
faisal turned around.
faisal:" im not the one who ran away layan, or did you forget?! on my birthday? when you left me there. what was it that you said? I'm not not running away faisal I'm walking away. YOU RAN AWAY MO ANA, i was right there watching you the whole DAMN TIME!! you walked out ON ME! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!"
i couldn't hold back the tears. so i just looked at him
me:" I'm sorry faisal"
he just looked at me,
faisal:" sorry for what layan? its not like i care anymore"
my head snapped up and i walked over to him
me:" THATS A LIE, i love you and you love me thats how it is, thats how its always going to be"
and then i took his scarred outraged face in my hands and kissed him
he stood there shocked. eyes wide open.
then he did something neither of us thought he would do
faisal kissed me back.
he swept me off my feet.
and i felt wetness on my cheek and realised that faisal was crying.
he crushed me to him.
his eyes shut tight, he breathed raggedly during the few times he came up for air.
and when he let me go he hugged me. he bent his head onto the top of mine, my face was on his collarbone and neck.
he didn't need words to tell me how sad and lonely he felt these past few months.
and we stayed like that till our legs couldn't hold us up anymore.
and when we lay there on the ground .........
he mumbled something:" there are a few things i can't tell you, please understand"
i turned my head to him:" i trust you faisal, no matter what"
he smiled and kissed the top of my head
faisal:" your an idiot" he said smiling
me:" I'm your idiot"
faisal:" and I'm yours" he said quietly as if he didn't want me to hear him.
and then we fell asleep on the living room carpet in each other's arms.
listen to latch by sam smith and disclosure. ( lana del rey -video games ( liam wales dubstep) and say something, and i see fire- by ed sheeran)
Layan:
and so i called reem, talked to her, told her everything.
she already heard and knew.
but reem said something that i couldn't get out of my head
" don't forget, he did this for you. and though he may seem like the devil, he's going through a lot of shit. his mom is dead layan, she's dead, the only reason he's still here is for you. its all for you"
so i sat there.
i sat there and watched tv. and waited for him to come home.
i felt guilty, and miserable, and homesick.
and then i realised that faisal was home to me. and as long as he and i were fighting, this homesickness would always occupy that space in my heart.
so i waited.
10 pm. 11. 12. 1. 2
and when it hit 2:30 am
the door opened.
he walked in. i couldn't process what was going on.
his scar.
my mind,
he was in the doorway. black shirt wide shocked eyes, mouth slitely open, a cut in his lip. a bit of blood on his collarbone, some on his nose. and a scar. could he look any hotter? yet I'm horrified by these mysterious injuries. he got his shoe string tied and they hung on his neck, a shoe on either side of his collarbone.
and i can see comparing how i looked to him. loose sweatshirt, shorts, and my purple poka dot cow socks. wow.
faisal was first to break the silence. his hair grew a bit longer in the past 3 weeks. and i notice this with a day of living with him. a lock of hair slides onto his face.
faisal:" laish mo nayma?" his voice was gruff, as usual, deep and gruff, like honey and ice.
me:" i was waiting for you."
faisal changed his stance, his posture was a bit more stiff.
he stood a bit straighter.
faisal:" fee shay tabeena?" he wouldn't look at me. he looked to the side.
it took guts to say what i was about to say next
me:" i want to talk"
he sharply inhaled
faisal:" then talk, you have 2 minutes" and just like that he crossed is arms on his chest and tilted his head to the left, he looked at me expectantly.
me:" I'm sorry"
he smiled a cruel ,bitter smile:" well your gonna have to be a bit clearer than that layan"
me:"im not being truthful with you, I'm not being there for you-"
he glared at me:" were are you going with this?"
me:" i just want to leave it all out in the open, i need you to know i love you"
his jaw locked and he started walking to the door. i got up and blocked it
me:" you can only runaway for so long faisal"
he bent down, that set him off
faisal exasperatedly said :" ME?! I'm the one running away?!"
me:" BOTH OF US ARE but at least I'm admitting it!"
he abruptly turned around walked two steps and threw his sneakers on the ground.
the majestic staircase as his background.
faisal turned around.
faisal:" im not the one who ran away layan, or did you forget?! on my birthday? when you left me there. what was it that you said? I'm not not running away faisal I'm walking away. YOU RAN AWAY MO ANA, i was right there watching you the whole DAMN TIME!! you walked out ON ME! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!"
i couldn't hold back the tears. so i just looked at him
me:" I'm sorry faisal"
he just looked at me,
faisal:" sorry for what layan? its not like i care anymore"
my head snapped up and i walked over to him
me:" THATS A LIE, i love you and you love me thats how it is, thats how its always going to be"
and then i took his scarred outraged face in my hands and kissed him
he stood there shocked. eyes wide open.
then he did something neither of us thought he would do
faisal kissed me back.
he swept me off my feet.
and i felt wetness on my cheek and realised that faisal was crying.
he crushed me to him.
his eyes shut tight, he breathed raggedly during the few times he came up for air.
and when he let me go he hugged me. he bent his head onto the top of mine, my face was on his collarbone and neck.
he didn't need words to tell me how sad and lonely he felt these past few months.
and we stayed like that till our legs couldn't hold us up anymore.
and when we lay there on the ground .........
he mumbled something:" there are a few things i can't tell you, please understand"
i turned my head to him:" i trust you faisal, no matter what"
he smiled and kissed the top of my head
faisal:" your an idiot" he said smiling
me:" I'm your idiot"
faisal:" and I'm yours" he said quietly as if he didn't want me to hear him.
and then we fell asleep on the living room carpet in each other's arms.
55
FAHAD
thump, thumpthumpthumpthump!
me" easy faisal had a39abik!"
we were at kickboxing, i was the designated punching bag holder and faisal was dishing out his best.
faisal took short jagged breathes and turned his gaze towards me
his mom just died, and the girl he's secretly married to - which happens to be my new sister- is confusing him emotionally.
i didn't expect us to stay in kuwait honestly, though kuwait is home, and a part of both of our lives.the people we love, are either dead, don't know we exist, don't know that were related, don't know the truth, or know the truth and hate us.
Ya , that pretty much sums up why were leaving, along with our dads manipulating us.
and i can tell from faisals calculating stare that he read my mind.
we do that. when you've been best friends and soul brothers with the same guy for all your life you tend to know whats going on, even when its all in my head. or his
faisal:" you think too much, and you worry too much. stop." he put it simply.
but nonetheless my words calmed him down. he shook out his tense shoulders and arms
me:" hey, its ok to be messed up some times, it gives you room to deal. just talk about it, don't keep it all in there. you know what happens when you do"
faisal cut me a sharp glare
faisal:" what happens"
faisal shook his arms out as we traded positions. and i commenced kicking the dummy.
me:" oh i don't know, maybe rejoin the game plan, and kissing the girl your supposed to leave in less than 6 months"
faisal:" lets forget about that, o 5an rakiz 3ala the match"
right, faisal had a match today. he's going up against 3abood. and you don't win a fight against 3abood. or you do and you come out barely breathing.
faisal:" oo dam inna you want to talk about our feelings 5al nitkalam 3an shino int nawi itsawy o mo gayily"
me:" plane, you and me tomorrow, baba wants us to go . he told me half an hour ago. just for a few days"
faisal actually smiled.
faisal:" thank god"
--
game time
faisal and 3abood were squaring off
it was horrifying. why am i being such a mom about this.
il mohim
faisal and 3abood were circling around each other like a wolf ( faisal) and a bear ( 3abood)
a punch hear a kick to the gut there.
and then faisal punched him square in the face. i shouted
3abood retaliated my jumping ontop. i gasped
faisal pulled him around. when 3abood scratches him. " AAAAAAA" THAT CAME FROM a7med but i closed his mouth with both hands
above the eye to below. he didn't touch the eye, since ( THANK GOD) faisal closed his eyes just in time.
the game was tied. a7med let out a deep breath, when did he even get here?
all of us quickly escorted faisal to the doctor in the next room.
faisal had a scar.
me:" dude, you look like bad ass!"
faisal grunted then smiled.
a7med who was asked to wait outside in his hysterical condition was let in chan i9ari5 :" LIKE KOVU FROM LION KING 2" both of us stared at him
then we all burst out laughing.
this is faisals first laugh after his mom and layans situations. and I know
that though he's not ok.
hes on his way
chan fai9al yistaw3ab inny imtani7 fee
faisal:" shfeek imtani7" he said jokingly
and i smiled
me:" you really do look like kovu"
a7med:" GITLIKOM!"
then we all laughed all over again.
inshallah dom.
54
"she must never know & you must never tell her. because, my son, sometimes ignorance is bliss."
poisonous words - 3ami
layan:
i was groggy by the time i woke up. heavy on pain meds. yet i still felt the pain, a bone chilling pain in my shoulder.
i opened my eyes to see a tableaux.
the person sitting on my bed to the right surprisingly was fahad, and to the left was my dad, and me in between them.
reem was fast asleep with baby bro on the black sofa.
though the two men in my presence assumed comfortable positions, they were too frozen, too stiff.
and then i saw him
faisal was like a statue, the only indication that he was human was the steady rise and fall of his chest. his eyes were void of emotion, no good emotions, no love, no happiness.
my dad looked tired, circles under his eyes, he looked miserable.
fahad and my dad both were the last people i expected to be holding my hands but they both were.
and as i looked up questioningly at fahad i saw his expression and his face.
he had chapped lips and a crazy look in his eyes. was that wonder? what was he wondering? how i stayed alive? i bet he blames himself. poor farad, he was always so hard on himself.
fahad was the one to break the silence.
fahad:" hey layan, you with us?" he offered me a small smile and squeezed my hand
me:" you bet"
i turned to my dad with dread....... but ill play it light. chinny ma sawait shay ghala6.
me:" hey baba i thought you had a business thing going on or something elsewhere?"
dad:" about that, i have made a decision based on everything thats been happening lately...its my fault that this happened and i can't protect you while I'm out of the country so i thought about the one person i could trust with your life, and the one person i would want you to live with and be watched over for now until next year .. and whats best for you is to move in with faisal. since i found out all about his secret marriage deal. "
i almost choked on my saliva
faisal:" 3ami-" faisal said quietly. he looked shocked. at least some emotion in his eyes
baba: " well i must admit, it was quite a good plan, ill give you credit fir that" he laughed
i fainted
i can't face faisal
i can't live with him
it hurts too much,
i don't want to touch him
i want to hit him instead, and then patch him back up.
the warring emotions. i love and hate him so very very much
baba:" faisal, dont argue with me, when my first born is old enough to take responsibility the company will be passed back, its just for the time being"
fahad gave my dad an odd look.
faisal was outraged.
i drifted
i awoke in a strange room
with a letter on my bedside
from faisal
downstairs, five thirty
- faisal
i cried a bit, just to get it out of my system.
--------------
i got up and realised i was in a huge bed in a large white and pastel yellow room. my clothes were here but i was still in my scrubs.
meaning my butt showed..... this is so not how i expected confronting faisal.
i got up and felt my body was sore
my right shoulder was killing me
and i felt an acute pain on my back.
when i took off my scrubs i discovered that there was white bandaging on my back and my shoulder was being restricted.
i changed into a really long nightshirt with baggy sweats,
my hair grew out and was less wild then usual.
my eyes looked tired
i wore my black slippers and slowly walked down the wraparound staircase that mirrored another staircase. black wood with red carpeting. so beastly, so faisal
i remember this room i thought as i got to the bottom of the stairs, this is the room i fainted in during his mothers funeral..... oh faisal....
: " 7IMDILLA 3ALA ILSAMA! YAH YAH YAH!"
I heard someone yell behind me i swivelled around to see three gorgeous guys.
they go by the names a7med , fahad, and faisal.
they couldn't be more different if they tried.
the one who spoke was obviously ahmed and he was already walking towards me with blatant enthusiasm. fahad had a mild smile and he was sitting on an armchair. he broke out a grin as soon as my eyes met his and faisal...
faisal was leaning on the door, there was a table between us, and he just met my gaze steadily.
me:" allah yisalmik a7medo thanks for asking, shyaybik hnee?" i asked trying to fake happiness
a7med:" nas igoloon shukran a7med, ya ba5atna feek a7med, will you marry me a7med, mo shyaybik" but he smiled anyways.
no one laughed at that...... seeing as my husband my secret husband, son of the devil was in present company
a7med looked concerned, skeptical, & nervous
fahad broke the silence.
fahad:" 7imdilla 3ala salamtich" he said a little too formally
i smiled
me:" allah yisalmik bro"
his face paled and he winced.
what the fuck was that?
why is everyone acting so weird
me:" fahad? fee shay ghala6?"
he just smiled to himself and stood up quietly,
fahad:" la mako illa il3afya, ana 3indy maw3id bas yayt at6aman 3alaich, bye layan"
and he left
a7med:" welllll, now that mr. awkwards out of the way how bout we order some maki!!!!"
he shouted enthusiastically and jumped up
me:" i can't believe you two are related" i said out loud before i could stop myself
a7med smiled
faisal was still a statue
a7med:" wellll ill go make the order yalla ana bilghorfa ilthanya"
he skipped off and i looked at faisal
me:" so, are you gonna tell me what happened?"
he turned to me
eyes like fire
faisal:" you." he clipped angrily , " will. not. speak."
i froze in fear and shock and surprise.
he took a deeeeeep breath.
faisal held out a finger and his face was calm and his voice was too when he spoke: " 6, sit ashhur o tiftakain miny, bas ni6ray"
my face paled and i stalked towards him
me:" just a reminder faisal, mo ana illy tzawajtik, int ill tzawajtny, ana ma gilt shay, o ba3dain ana ma 3indy moshkila with waiting for six months, your the one who looks like he has a problem with it"
i took the last two steps that separated us and came face to face or in this case face to chest with faisal.
me:" o a5er shay bagoola, what part of all of this was a white lie? good luck with the six months faisal" i said and smiled.
he looked down at me with granite eyes with a hint of amusement
faisal:" so you finally hate me"
me:" you've got what you wanted" i said
faisal walked past me to the door his back to me as he said
faisal:" no layan, i never wanted you to hate anyone, least of all me. "
' ~ '
we both walked out to find a smug a7med with his arms crossed and his foot tapping.
a7med:" la tgooloon inny malgoof bas sima3t kilshay and you guys sounded like you were in a teen drama"
faisal ignored him but i smiled
thats when my phone rang with justin bieber's take you as my ringtone
a7med:" AWKWAAAAARD" ahmed joked.
a7med insisted on watching a movie , he put one in and we sat. we were watching frozen......a7meds choice. he thought he found himself in the snow man.
i couldn't disagree.
faisal just sat there jaw locked.
chan a7med yis2al ;" so faisal you only have one room and you guys are technically married now so were are you guys gonna sleep?"
faisal didn't even look at him when he said " mo shighlik"
poisonous words - 3ami
layan:
i was groggy by the time i woke up. heavy on pain meds. yet i still felt the pain, a bone chilling pain in my shoulder.
i opened my eyes to see a tableaux.
the person sitting on my bed to the right surprisingly was fahad, and to the left was my dad, and me in between them.
reem was fast asleep with baby bro on the black sofa.
though the two men in my presence assumed comfortable positions, they were too frozen, too stiff.
and then i saw him
faisal was like a statue, the only indication that he was human was the steady rise and fall of his chest. his eyes were void of emotion, no good emotions, no love, no happiness.
my dad looked tired, circles under his eyes, he looked miserable.
fahad and my dad both were the last people i expected to be holding my hands but they both were.
and as i looked up questioningly at fahad i saw his expression and his face.
he had chapped lips and a crazy look in his eyes. was that wonder? what was he wondering? how i stayed alive? i bet he blames himself. poor farad, he was always so hard on himself.
fahad was the one to break the silence.
fahad:" hey layan, you with us?" he offered me a small smile and squeezed my hand
me:" you bet"
i turned to my dad with dread....... but ill play it light. chinny ma sawait shay ghala6.
me:" hey baba i thought you had a business thing going on or something elsewhere?"
dad:" about that, i have made a decision based on everything thats been happening lately...its my fault that this happened and i can't protect you while I'm out of the country so i thought about the one person i could trust with your life, and the one person i would want you to live with and be watched over for now until next year .. and whats best for you is to move in with faisal. since i found out all about his secret marriage deal. "
i almost choked on my saliva
faisal:" 3ami-" faisal said quietly. he looked shocked. at least some emotion in his eyes
baba: " well i must admit, it was quite a good plan, ill give you credit fir that" he laughed
i fainted
i can't face faisal
i can't live with him
it hurts too much,
i don't want to touch him
i want to hit him instead, and then patch him back up.
the warring emotions. i love and hate him so very very much
baba:" faisal, dont argue with me, when my first born is old enough to take responsibility the company will be passed back, its just for the time being"
fahad gave my dad an odd look.
faisal was outraged.
i drifted
i awoke in a strange room
with a letter on my bedside
from faisal
downstairs, five thirty
- faisal
i cried a bit, just to get it out of my system.
--------------
i got up and realised i was in a huge bed in a large white and pastel yellow room. my clothes were here but i was still in my scrubs.
meaning my butt showed..... this is so not how i expected confronting faisal.
i got up and felt my body was sore
my right shoulder was killing me
and i felt an acute pain on my back.
when i took off my scrubs i discovered that there was white bandaging on my back and my shoulder was being restricted.
i changed into a really long nightshirt with baggy sweats,
my hair grew out and was less wild then usual.
my eyes looked tired
i wore my black slippers and slowly walked down the wraparound staircase that mirrored another staircase. black wood with red carpeting. so beastly, so faisal
i remember this room i thought as i got to the bottom of the stairs, this is the room i fainted in during his mothers funeral..... oh faisal....
: " 7IMDILLA 3ALA ILSAMA! YAH YAH YAH!"
I heard someone yell behind me i swivelled around to see three gorgeous guys.
they go by the names a7med , fahad, and faisal.
they couldn't be more different if they tried.
the one who spoke was obviously ahmed and he was already walking towards me with blatant enthusiasm. fahad had a mild smile and he was sitting on an armchair. he broke out a grin as soon as my eyes met his and faisal...
faisal was leaning on the door, there was a table between us, and he just met my gaze steadily.
me:" allah yisalmik a7medo thanks for asking, shyaybik hnee?" i asked trying to fake happiness
a7med:" nas igoloon shukran a7med, ya ba5atna feek a7med, will you marry me a7med, mo shyaybik" but he smiled anyways.
no one laughed at that...... seeing as my husband my secret husband, son of the devil was in present company
a7med looked concerned, skeptical, & nervous
fahad broke the silence.
fahad:" 7imdilla 3ala salamtich" he said a little too formally
i smiled
me:" allah yisalmik bro"
his face paled and he winced.
what the fuck was that?
why is everyone acting so weird
me:" fahad? fee shay ghala6?"
he just smiled to himself and stood up quietly,
fahad:" la mako illa il3afya, ana 3indy maw3id bas yayt at6aman 3alaich, bye layan"
and he left
a7med:" welllll, now that mr. awkwards out of the way how bout we order some maki!!!!"
he shouted enthusiastically and jumped up
me:" i can't believe you two are related" i said out loud before i could stop myself
a7med smiled
faisal was still a statue
a7med:" wellll ill go make the order yalla ana bilghorfa ilthanya"
he skipped off and i looked at faisal
me:" so, are you gonna tell me what happened?"
he turned to me
eyes like fire
faisal:" you." he clipped angrily , " will. not. speak."
i froze in fear and shock and surprise.
he took a deeeeeep breath.
faisal held out a finger and his face was calm and his voice was too when he spoke: " 6, sit ashhur o tiftakain miny, bas ni6ray"
my face paled and i stalked towards him
me:" just a reminder faisal, mo ana illy tzawajtik, int ill tzawajtny, ana ma gilt shay, o ba3dain ana ma 3indy moshkila with waiting for six months, your the one who looks like he has a problem with it"
i took the last two steps that separated us and came face to face or in this case face to chest with faisal.
me:" o a5er shay bagoola, what part of all of this was a white lie? good luck with the six months faisal" i said and smiled.
he looked down at me with granite eyes with a hint of amusement
faisal:" so you finally hate me"
me:" you've got what you wanted" i said
faisal walked past me to the door his back to me as he said
faisal:" no layan, i never wanted you to hate anyone, least of all me. "
' ~ '
we both walked out to find a smug a7med with his arms crossed and his foot tapping.
a7med:" la tgooloon inny malgoof bas sima3t kilshay and you guys sounded like you were in a teen drama"
faisal ignored him but i smiled
thats when my phone rang with justin bieber's take you as my ringtone
a7med:" AWKWAAAAARD" ahmed joked.
a7med insisted on watching a movie , he put one in and we sat. we were watching frozen......a7meds choice. he thought he found himself in the snow man.
i couldn't disagree.
faisal just sat there jaw locked.
chan a7med yis2al ;" so faisal you only have one room and you guys are technically married now so were are you guys gonna sleep?"
faisal didn't even look at him when he said " mo shighlik"
الأربعاء، 12 مارس 2014
chapter 53
narrator:
pompeii - bastille
a letter from faisal to himself a note:
silent days, the moment were you realise that the lies do kill
but the truth? its cold hard reality
a wake up call
for those of us with sorrows of our own...
there are those of us who are sad people
but we must not let sadness become us
i know.. its easier said then done
but what else do i have to live for? god whom i dedicate my life to
for the people i love
paying them back for the things they did for me
for all the love they give me for which i must return
ungrateful
i feel ungrateful.
undeservingunworthy of her love
too much high expectations of us of me
i dont need this.i cant do this anymore
i could walk away from all this, a fresh new start like nothing happened.
but i need to fix what i have done, make amends..
because guilt does kill
because i will never admit the reasons why....
because she deserves better
untangle this mess this jumble of us, my feelings, my reasons my mistakes
layan... dont let me go
REEM
fahad:"what are you doing here baba"
3amo m7ammad walked shut the door behind him.
faisal stood there and looked at me signaling me to
not say a word. with his eyes ofcourse
now i get all the hub about fasils "speaking eyes" 3ala golat layan .... layan
3ami m7amad:" faisal.." he looked at faisal with a look ive never seen before.
cold hard steal of disapointment
faisal shook his head:"there in the same country, they were in the same school for a year before i pulled her out, they were already friends.... there was nothing i could do"
3ami m7ammad:"NOTHING YOU COULD DO? DONT EVEN START WITH ME FAISAL, YOU? the master of schemes and plans? you ? the cold hearted boy your father and i raised? nothing? NOTHING?"
fahad stood up:"can someone PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!!!!"
faisal looked at 3ami m7amad:" are you gonna tell him or should i?"
3ami m7amad shared a look with faisal closed his eyes and tilted his head down
faisals voice came out brusque:" he deserves to hear it from you"
3ami m7ammad:" when your put in the position im in faisal.. youll know how hard this is for me"
fahad exploded:"WILL SOMEONE JUST TELL ME? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"
they just stared at eachother unfazed by what fahad just said
3ami m7amad:"i... i never told you this.... haven't you noticed.. that you and zaid have the same bent pinky on your right hand? or the same dimples?"
fahad stared at him and then looked at the sleeping zaid and looked back at 3ami
zaid was now sleeping head on my lap.
3ami m7ammad carried on:" ... or that you and layan have the same laugh?"
fahad:"zaid mentioned it.. whats your point.... are you trying to say that zaid and layan are my siblings"
everyone in the room paused.
3ami m7amad:" ee fahad thats exactly what im trying to say"
fahad stood still
fahad:" unbelievable....."
3ami:"faha-"
fahad:"no im saying your unbelievable otherwise it all makes sense shlon int ga6ny a5ir ildinya 3ashan ana o layan ma nit9adaf. shlon int dayman imsafir 7ata lama layan titkalam 3anik tgooly 3an shkithir tifgidik. shlon titkalam ma3a fais-"
then realization dawns on him
then he looks at faisal:"since when... since when did you know?"
faisal:"i needed to do what was best for you"
fahad:" ANSWER ME"
faisal:"since the 9th grade"
fahad:"4 years.... 4 years o int 3arif.. "
3ami:"its not as bad as it-"
fahad:"I HAVE A SISTER AND A BROTHER THAT I NEVER KNEW EXISTED!! LA YALAIT BA3AD I DONT KNOW THEM! LAAA2 THERE MY FRIENDS!! I KNEW LAYAN FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS, AS A GIRL IN MY SCHOOL!! bas shes not,.... she was never just a girl from school... "
fahad looked at his dad:"you, i expected this from you bas not you faisal. not you. i trusted you with everything, i believed in you!"
faisal looked as if he'd just punched him
3ami:" then that means you dont know him.. faisal???? faisal does every task we give him without feeling and without a glance backwards to see the damage. thats who faisal is, jaded."
fahad:"no thats not who he is. thats what YOU made him into. you made him a monster. the faisal I KNEW WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME EVEN WHEN I DIDNT NEED HIM HE WAS THERE."
and unexpectedly
faisal speaks with more emotion then I personally have ever heard him speak in..... ive only heard of this from layan. when she would talk about him.
faisal:"high expectations. you and layan are both fools with your beleif in me. you see something in me that isnt there the both of you, and now looook were its got her. in the hospital on a gurney. shot. trying to convince me to leave. trying to save me from myself"
she said his words were poetry, i remember when she said it she had stars in her eyes and i just laughed. at how head over heals she was.
fahad:" this isnt you faisal, this isnt you. dont let him get to you. ta3al when layan wakes up well leave."
faisal almost almost smiles:" and how do you suppose we do that?"
fahad:" we do exactly what you planned, well get on a plane and leave this behind us.. well start all over , beginning with uni."
facial got up,
then walked over to fahad and gave him a bear hug only the tug of a sad smile to show he had emotion :" your a fool you know. for believeing in me"
then he pulled back:" im sorry" he said seriously . fahad pulled him back into a hug
3ami cleared his throat then spoke :"very well if thats what you want"
fahad:"as if what i wanted ever mattered to you. What i want is to know why you sent me away. why it wasnt layan and zaid"
3ami:"because...... its a very long long story"
fahad and faisal pulled out seats at the same time and sat. faisal with an evil half smile and fahad with his humorous acting of being clueless
fahad:" weve got until layan wakes up. dont we faisal"
faisal:"why, inshallah yes, yes we do fahad"
pompeii - bastille
a letter from faisal to himself a note:
silent days, the moment were you realise that the lies do kill
but the truth? its cold hard reality
a wake up call
for those of us with sorrows of our own...
there are those of us who are sad people
but we must not let sadness become us
i know.. its easier said then done
but what else do i have to live for? god whom i dedicate my life to
for the people i love
paying them back for the things they did for me
for all the love they give me for which i must return
ungrateful
i feel ungrateful.
undeserving
too much high expectations of us of me
i dont need this.
i could walk away from all this, a fresh new start like nothing happened.
but i need to fix what i have done, make amends..
because guilt does kill
REEM
fahad:"what are you doing here baba"
3amo m7ammad walked shut the door behind him.
faisal stood there and looked at me signaling me to
not say a word. with his eyes ofcourse
now i get all the hub about fasils "speaking eyes" 3ala golat layan .... layan
3ami m7amad:" faisal.." he looked at faisal with a look ive never seen before.
cold hard steal of disapointment
faisal shook his head:"there in the same country, they were in the same school for a year before i pulled her out, they were already friends.... there was nothing i could do"
3ami m7ammad:"NOTHING YOU COULD DO? DONT EVEN START WITH ME FAISAL, YOU? the master of schemes and plans? you ? the cold hearted boy your father and i raised? nothing? NOTHING?"
fahad stood up:"can someone PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!!!!"
faisal looked at 3ami m7amad:" are you gonna tell him or should i?"
3ami m7amad shared a look with faisal closed his eyes and tilted his head down
faisals voice came out brusque:" he deserves to hear it from you"
3ami m7ammad:" when your put in the position im in faisal.. youll know how hard this is for me"
fahad exploded:"WILL SOMEONE JUST TELL ME? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"
they just stared at eachother unfazed by what fahad just said
3ami m7amad:"i... i never told you this.... haven't you noticed.. that you and zaid have the same bent pinky on your right hand? or the same dimples?"
fahad stared at him and then looked at the sleeping zaid and looked back at 3ami
zaid was now sleeping head on my lap.
3ami m7ammad carried on:" ... or that you and layan have the same laugh?"
fahad:"zaid mentioned it.. whats your point.... are you trying to say that zaid and layan are my siblings"
everyone in the room paused.
3ami m7amad:" ee fahad thats exactly what im trying to say"
fahad stood still
fahad:" unbelievable....."
3ami:"faha-"
fahad:"no im saying your unbelievable otherwise it all makes sense shlon int ga6ny a5ir ildinya 3ashan ana o layan ma nit9adaf. shlon int dayman imsafir 7ata lama layan titkalam 3anik tgooly 3an shkithir tifgidik. shlon titkalam ma3a fais-"
then realization dawns on him
then he looks at faisal:"since when... since when did you know?"
faisal:"i needed to do what was best for you"
fahad:" ANSWER ME"
faisal:"since the 9th grade"
fahad:"4 years.... 4 years o int 3arif.. "
3ami:"its not as bad as it-"
fahad:"I HAVE A SISTER AND A BROTHER THAT I NEVER KNEW EXISTED!! LA YALAIT BA3AD I DONT KNOW THEM! LAAA2 THERE MY FRIENDS!! I KNEW LAYAN FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS, AS A GIRL IN MY SCHOOL!! bas shes not,.... she was never just a girl from school... "
fahad looked at his dad:"you, i expected this from you bas not you faisal. not you. i trusted you with everything, i believed in you!"
faisal looked as if he'd just punched him
3ami:" then that means you dont know him.. faisal???? faisal does every task we give him without feeling and without a glance backwards to see the damage. thats who faisal is, jaded."
fahad:"no thats not who he is. thats what YOU made him into. you made him a monster. the faisal I KNEW WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME EVEN WHEN I DIDNT NEED HIM HE WAS THERE."
and unexpectedly
faisal speaks with more emotion then I personally have ever heard him speak in..... ive only heard of this from layan. when she would talk about him.
faisal:"high expectations. you and layan are both fools with your beleif in me. you see something in me that isnt there the both of you, and now looook were its got her. in the hospital on a gurney. shot. trying to convince me to leave. trying to save me from myself"
she said his words were poetry, i remember when she said it she had stars in her eyes and i just laughed. at how head over heals she was.
fahad:" this isnt you faisal, this isnt you. dont let him get to you. ta3al when layan wakes up well leave."
faisal almost almost smiles:" and how do you suppose we do that?"
fahad:" we do exactly what you planned, well get on a plane and leave this behind us.. well start all over , beginning with uni."
facial got up,
then walked over to fahad and gave him a bear hug only the tug of a sad smile to show he had emotion :" your a fool you know. for believeing in me"
then he pulled back:" im sorry" he said seriously . fahad pulled him back into a hug
3ami cleared his throat then spoke :"very well if thats what you want"
fahad:"as if what i wanted ever mattered to you. What i want is to know why you sent me away. why it wasnt layan and zaid"
3ami:"because...... its a very long long story"
fahad and faisal pulled out seats at the same time and sat. faisal with an evil half smile and fahad with his humorous acting of being clueless
fahad:" weve got until layan wakes up. dont we faisal"
faisal:"why, inshallah yes, yes we do fahad"
please don't be mad
dear loyal readers,
this year has been crazy for all of us, in the end we decided to put the blog aside for that time being and pursue the matters ahead of us. at this point only one of us has returned, and i came back so faisal wouldn't eat me. sorry for not posting, please forgive us
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